...see a doctor.
OK, so I hate depression meds and anti psychotics. I've been on them before and I despise having to depend on them for emotional balance or sanity. Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking those who do have to have those meds, but I think they're far too often used and emphasized as solutions to all our damn problems. It's all about how those horrible drug companies market that shit and the depressed American is quick to say, "oh you're right! I don't need to change my outlook or circumstances, I just need to take medication! I have 'chemical imbalance of the brain' just like millions of other Americans!"
I don't want to ever return to being on medication, no matter how unstable my mood swings are.
But...
Jesus Christ, I am feeling shit for no reason and I don't know where it's all coming from. I feel like a ton of bricks is weighing heavily on my back and I don't even know why. I'm not necessarily bothered by anything in particular and there aren't any really big problems in my life at the moment aside from my usual "I hate my family" shit.
Maybe I should go ahead and do what I've been fighting for so long.
I'm not entertaining the idea of antidepressants or anti psychotics.
But I am considering maybe some meds to regulate my hormones. Yes yes, being a female means I have those God damned, unpredictable shitty hormonal fluctuations that send me sky high then to the devils lake of fire in the bowels of hell. In other words, that time of the month is terribly painful emotionally and physically. It's exhausting enough being me everyday always thinking, contemplating and freaking out over shit but keeping it to myself. When I have the added emotional shit on top of it all, it adds some complex crap to the picture.
I hate seeing the doctor though, I get nervous. Oh wait, well I'm almost always nervous anyhow -.-
He's a great guy, just friendly as hell and he listens to me (not to mention he's not a money hungry prick - the guy gave me a year's worth of refills on my heartburn meds so I don't have to see him every couple of months). But still, it's an embarrassing topic for me. Call me modest or shy or whatever...
I also have terrible pains and my pasty white face easily breaks out. I'm not a joy to be around I guess, but no one ever complains now that I think about it. I think it's only me who truly notices. I was angry earlier today, then just apathetic and nauseous before becoming a sad, melancholy pile of mess. I sort of feel like someone beat the shit out of me but at this point I'd let them.
Oh boo hoooooooo, woe is me. I'm whining. HAHAA
God I can't stand myself when I'm like this.
Whining sucks ass. I'm home by myself, unfortunately, without someone else here to give me a swift kick in the ass and say "Shut the fuck up and quit moaning and bitching, Do something useful and stop blogging you sad moronic puddle of 'wwaaaaaa' "
I guess I'll see the doctor soon...damn it.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Top 10 Yuri Anime 2009
Greetings people! Thanks to Erica Friedman, we now have a list of the Top Ten Yuri Anime of 2009
^___^
You may now rejoice.
Her list is found here, on her blog and I must say I was pleased with it. I've never seen "Railgun" but I didn't like the description. I still am thinking about seeing Blue Drop, but I've heard it described as only so-so. Read on to find number one. I love her top two picks!
______________________________________________________
I can personally testify that Sasamekikoto is wonderful and delightful in every way. I'm currently watching it on crunchyroll.com and it's damn near perfect as far as shows go. I love it!
And Aoi Hana daaawwwwww....so cute I could squeeze it!
^___^
You may now rejoice.
Her list is found here, on her blog and I must say I was pleased with it. I've never seen "Railgun" but I didn't like the description. I still am thinking about seeing Blue Drop, but I've heard it described as only so-so. Read on to find number one. I love her top two picks!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Top Ten Yuri Anime of 2009
I probably should have put this disclaimer on the Top Ten Manga of 2009 too, but I always assume that my readers understand that this list is *my opinion*. If you see a series you disagree with, or don't see one you like, then the answer to your questions is, "Because I have a different opinion than you do."
Also, for various reasons I've just combined the list into one again, like I did with Manga. I'll note whether something is available in English, Japanese or both.
And with thoserestatement of the obvious disclaimers, here's MY Top Ten Yuri Anime of 2009!
10. To Aru no Kagaku no Railgun (Japanese)
The Yuri in this series is meant as a joke. It's played as perverted, as over-the-top-uncontrollable, as laughably embarrassing and pointless. Pretty much everything Yuri was in most anime for the last 30 years - a veritable step back into the "blackface" era of Yuri.
But.
Kuroko was in all ways a wonderful person; reliable, intelligent, loyal and friendly. Her feelings for Misaka were, wayyyyyy deep down past the layers of hopeless pervy-ness, probably real.
And frankly, who cares? Railgun was a fun anime with some crappy characteristics and some good ones. It was entertaining, which is why I watch entertainment. So, step back into hopeless, psycho lesbian urges, yes, but it still makes the list at Number 10.
9. Maria Watches Over Us, Season 3 (Japanese & English)
Sachiko would recognize Yumi, even in a panda suit.
8. Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha/ Nanoha As (Japanese & English)
I'm really sorry that these series didn't do better here. There's some issues with the fandom that I wish we could resolve with fire and pain but, below the icky service and tiresome loli, there was an awesome series with the beginnings of a wonderful couple.
For those moments of off-stage quiet, when you can imagine Fate and Nanoha flying together for the sheer fun of it, and for a future Pluffy BedTM that we didn't get to see licensed, but we know is there, this is my Number 8 anime series for the year.
7. Candy Boy (Japanese)
I stopped watching it after 5 episodes, so I have no idea if it got to a place where I would have actually thought it "good," but that's not why Candy Boy is on the list. Clearly, Yuri fandom liked it. That's a truism. But what was most interesting and important about it is that it showed that an ONA - Original Online Animation has a future in Japan, where fans will pay. Will it ever be a realistic model in the west is still a bit up in the air. But, for changing the way Japanese anime companies think about things - and maybe paving the way for a new wave of short, original works - it makes Number Seven.
6. Kanamemo (Japanese & English)
Good heavens, there were some really crappy things in this series. lol But setting aside an elementary school age manager and a mopey protagonist and everything about Haruka, Kanamemo presented us with quite possibly the single most realistic established lesbian couple in anime this year - maybe ever - Yume and Yuuki. They are presented with a surprising amount of empathy, romance and love. They kiss. We don't see, but we know, that they they sleep together. Above all, they are treated as an established couple by the people around them.
I couldn't say it was a "good" anime, but Yuuki and Yume are definitely a great couple.
5. Saki (Japanese & English)
I'd seen this manga on the Japanese Yuri lists forever when the anime began - and my first impression was, "uh, yeah, okay." Sure Saki and Nodoka, sitting in a tree....but, once we got the other schools into the mix, the Yuri rating took off. I know that I'm in a minority, but I still think Momo and Yumi were the best couple of the series. :-)
4. Blue Drop (Japanese & English)
This may well be the last thing I'll ever like by Yoshitomi Akihito. It's true that the anime tromps all over the same tropes he's beaten to death over the last few years, but aside from the Dead Lesbian and the Psycho Lesbian, and the school girls and hopeless romances, this prequel to the Blue Drop manga stands strong as a fascinating "clash of cultures romance." Still holds the record for the best pickup line ever too.
Are you getting excited? This is where I always get a little doki-doki....
3. El Cazador (Japanese & English)
I love Bee Train's Girls With Guns On The Run trilogy. I've loved all of the series for themselves and love them all together as a series. I'm still a bit over the moon that we actually have all *three* series on DVD in English. It's kind of amazing - like an alternate universe in which stuff I like actually gets licensed in the US. Catch me, I'm feeling woozy....
There's no question that this series, as it's sister series in the past did, would make my Top Ten list but, because I love Ellis' "Yes, sir!" and Nadie's "Yuigon attara, dozo" and above all I love Ellis who loves Nadie when her eyes are shining, this series makes Number Three.
2. Sasamekikoto (Japanese & English)
I didn't expect this series to translate as well as it did to anime, but...wow, it did! And I didn't expect people to like it, especially folks who weren't familiar with Yuri tropes, like Aoi's Loser Fangirlyness or Sumika's hopless love for her best friend but, amazingly, it transcended tropes and communicated directly with viewers' hearts.
Sasamekikoto marks the first time an anime has been seen on several high-profile lesbian entertainment sites, and the second time Afterellen.com has carried a Yuri anime. It also marks the truly significant fact that Crunchyroll has made a conscious and conspicuous effort to support and promote Yuri Anime. Heck - they even have a Yuri kisses contest. lol
For all these many reasons, and for others I haven't thought of, but you probably have, Sasamekikoto is my Number Two anime of the Year.
And finally, probably no surprises here...
Aoi Hana (Japanese & English)
It was...beautiful. It was quiet and gentle and real. It was lovingly animated, it was extremely well-adapted from the manga - perhaps slightly better than the manga in places.
It had characters I could wish over for lunch, and a storyline that resonated as one of the absolutely most realistic portrayals of a young woman in love with another woman ever seen in an anime.
It had an Opening sequence that made us smile.
It simulcast in many English-speaking countries an hour after it ran on Japanese TV.
It is, finally, what we have never before had - a gateway Yuri anime.
There was never any question in my mind as I watched this all-too-short season that Aoi Hana was the absolute best Yuri Anime of 2009.
***
I only hope that I can wish 2010 be as good, because besting this is going to be hard. :-) And crichey - look at how much of it came out in English!
One more list to go - check back on New Year's Eve for my Top Ten Overall.
And once more I end with the question - what was YOUR Top Yuri Anime of the year? Tell me in the comments!
Posted by Erica Friedman at 1:32 PMAlso, for various reasons I've just combined the list into one again, like I did with Manga. I'll note whether something is available in English, Japanese or both.
And with those
10. To Aru no Kagaku no Railgun (Japanese)
The Yuri in this series is meant as a joke. It's played as perverted, as over-the-top-uncontrollable, as laughably embarrassing and pointless. Pretty much everything Yuri was in most anime for the last 30 years - a veritable step back into the "blackface" era of Yuri.
But.
Kuroko was in all ways a wonderful person; reliable, intelligent, loyal and friendly. Her feelings for Misaka were, wayyyyyy deep down past the layers of hopeless pervy-ness, probably real.
And frankly, who cares? Railgun was a fun anime with some crappy characteristics and some good ones. It was entertaining, which is why I watch entertainment. So, step back into hopeless, psycho lesbian urges, yes, but it still makes the list at Number 10.
9. Maria Watches Over Us, Season 3 (Japanese & English)
Sachiko would recognize Yumi, even in a panda suit.
8. Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha/ Nanoha As (Japanese & English)
I'm really sorry that these series didn't do better here. There's some issues with the fandom that I wish we could resolve with fire and pain but, below the icky service and tiresome loli, there was an awesome series with the beginnings of a wonderful couple.
For those moments of off-stage quiet, when you can imagine Fate and Nanoha flying together for the sheer fun of it, and for a future Pluffy BedTM that we didn't get to see licensed, but we know is there, this is my Number 8 anime series for the year.
7. Candy Boy (Japanese)
I stopped watching it after 5 episodes, so I have no idea if it got to a place where I would have actually thought it "good," but that's not why Candy Boy is on the list. Clearly, Yuri fandom liked it. That's a truism. But what was most interesting and important about it is that it showed that an ONA - Original Online Animation has a future in Japan, where fans will pay. Will it ever be a realistic model in the west is still a bit up in the air. But, for changing the way Japanese anime companies think about things - and maybe paving the way for a new wave of short, original works - it makes Number Seven.
6. Kanamemo (Japanese & English)
Good heavens, there were some really crappy things in this series. lol But setting aside an elementary school age manager and a mopey protagonist and everything about Haruka, Kanamemo presented us with quite possibly the single most realistic established lesbian couple in anime this year - maybe ever - Yume and Yuuki. They are presented with a surprising amount of empathy, romance and love. They kiss. We don't see, but we know, that they they sleep together. Above all, they are treated as an established couple by the people around them.
I couldn't say it was a "good" anime, but Yuuki and Yume are definitely a great couple.
5. Saki (Japanese & English)
I'd seen this manga on the Japanese Yuri lists forever when the anime began - and my first impression was, "uh, yeah, okay." Sure Saki and Nodoka, sitting in a tree....but, once we got the other schools into the mix, the Yuri rating took off. I know that I'm in a minority, but I still think Momo and Yumi were the best couple of the series. :-)
4. Blue Drop (Japanese & English)
This may well be the last thing I'll ever like by Yoshitomi Akihito. It's true that the anime tromps all over the same tropes he's beaten to death over the last few years, but aside from the Dead Lesbian and the Psycho Lesbian, and the school girls and hopeless romances, this prequel to the Blue Drop manga stands strong as a fascinating "clash of cultures romance." Still holds the record for the best pickup line ever too.
Are you getting excited? This is where I always get a little doki-doki....
3. El Cazador (Japanese & English)
I love Bee Train's Girls With Guns On The Run trilogy. I've loved all of the series for themselves and love them all together as a series. I'm still a bit over the moon that we actually have all *three* series on DVD in English. It's kind of amazing - like an alternate universe in which stuff I like actually gets licensed in the US. Catch me, I'm feeling woozy....
There's no question that this series, as it's sister series in the past did, would make my Top Ten list but, because I love Ellis' "Yes, sir!" and Nadie's "Yuigon attara, dozo" and above all I love Ellis who loves Nadie when her eyes are shining, this series makes Number Three.
2. Sasamekikoto (Japanese & English)
I didn't expect this series to translate as well as it did to anime, but...wow, it did! And I didn't expect people to like it, especially folks who weren't familiar with Yuri tropes, like Aoi's Loser Fangirlyness or Sumika's hopless love for her best friend but, amazingly, it transcended tropes and communicated directly with viewers' hearts.
Sasamekikoto marks the first time an anime has been seen on several high-profile lesbian entertainment sites, and the second time Afterellen.com has carried a Yuri anime. It also marks the truly significant fact that Crunchyroll has made a conscious and conspicuous effort to support and promote Yuri Anime. Heck - they even have a Yuri kisses contest. lol
For all these many reasons, and for others I haven't thought of, but you probably have, Sasamekikoto is my Number Two anime of the Year.
And finally, probably no surprises here...
Aoi Hana (Japanese & English)
It was...beautiful. It was quiet and gentle and real. It was lovingly animated, it was extremely well-adapted from the manga - perhaps slightly better than the manga in places.
It had characters I could wish over for lunch, and a storyline that resonated as one of the absolutely most realistic portrayals of a young woman in love with another woman ever seen in an anime.
It had an Opening sequence that made us smile.
It simulcast in many English-speaking countries an hour after it ran on Japanese TV.
It is, finally, what we have never before had - a gateway Yuri anime.
There was never any question in my mind as I watched this all-too-short season that Aoi Hana was the absolute best Yuri Anime of 2009.
***
I only hope that I can wish 2010 be as good, because besting this is going to be hard. :-) And crichey - look at how much of it came out in English!
One more list to go - check back on New Year's Eve for my Top Ten Overall.
And once more I end with the question - what was YOUR Top Yuri Anime of the year? Tell me in the comments!
______________________________________________________
I can personally testify that Sasamekikoto is wonderful and delightful in every way. I'm currently watching it on crunchyroll.com and it's damn near perfect as far as shows go. I love it!
And Aoi Hana daaawwwwww....so cute I could squeeze it!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Handwriting
I recently had my handwriting analyzed by a machine at the state fair. Well, by "recently" I mean in early November, but that is beside the point.
I always thought handwriting was interesting. I wonder if it truly does reflect anything about ones personality. The logical part of my brain suggests it's all a bunch of hullabaloo, just like palm reading or zodiac signs. However, since there are so many types of writing, I can't help but wonder if it reflects anything about us at all. Even a little?
I personally hate most girls' handwriting. I guess I sound bitchy by admitting I critique such a trivial thing in people, but it doesn't cause me to actually dislike anyone, so don't misunderstand me. I always paid attention to that kind of thing in school, mostly since so many wanted to copy off my paper. I noticed that all the girls had "bubbly" writing. You know what I'm talking about, right? They all look so similar. I don't know if sex has anything to do with it - perhaps girls simply attempt to all have the same pretty, neat bubbly writing solely for it to look like all the other girls' handwriting; I don't know.
Raymond and I were at a booth at the fair and the guy asked us if we wanted our handwriting analyzed. All we had to do was sign our name on a sheet then this machine scanned it. Upon scanning our signatures, the machine would then spit out a paper with details about our personalities simply based on our handwriting. We didn't think it would be accurate, but we did it for shits and giggles.
_______________________________________________________________
Here is what mine said about me:
You pursue your objectives with determination and initiative. (Well, yes I am quite determined. Agreed)
You would be willing to take a calculated risk. (OK, isn't that everybody? Some calculate more than others though, and I think this is where I differ from most)
You seek freedom to be your own person and the chance to prove yourself. (I guess this is true?)
You are an active individual who becomes restless and impatient with insufficient progress. (This part is very true)
Your underlying fear of failure keeps you alert and always on your toes. (OH MY GOD IT SEES THROUGH MY SOUL)
You have a relaxed charm and sense of humor which the opposite sex finds appealing. (I don't know? Maybe? I wouldn't know - most guys stay away from me in areas of romance. Go figure)
You accept what life gives you but you want more. (Yes, sigh, true. I'll always want more and at the same time I'm content with nothing)
______________________________________________________
So what do you think?
Think it's filled with generic statements that can fit just about anyone? Perhaps it's just random bullshit?
DUH!
It's a machine, people!
Of course it's randomly generated crapola.
Still though...it was interesting.
So I decided to perform a small experiment last night while I was at work. I asked a few girls at my work to write the words "Best Buy" on a sheet of paper for my own amusement. Their names and ages are also displayed next to their words.
Naturally, they thought my request for handwriting samples was a little strange, but considering it was coming from me, they obliged. They know I'm a little strange anyhow.
Here are the results:
It's ok, I know what you're thinking.
"Amanda, no one gives a rat's ass about this blog and your handwriting!"
Oh well.
But aside from talking about MY handwriting, am I the only one who studies this kind of shit? Am I the only one who critiques little details like this?
The handwriting of most guys is usually far more messy and varied, but I think I prefer that. I don't like boring, uniform neat letters. Structure is so dull. Irregularity is interesting.
And with that thought, I'm signing off. I'm going to go fold clothes and do more household chores since I can't stand "insufficient progress".
I always thought handwriting was interesting. I wonder if it truly does reflect anything about ones personality. The logical part of my brain suggests it's all a bunch of hullabaloo, just like palm reading or zodiac signs. However, since there are so many types of writing, I can't help but wonder if it reflects anything about us at all. Even a little?
I personally hate most girls' handwriting. I guess I sound bitchy by admitting I critique such a trivial thing in people, but it doesn't cause me to actually dislike anyone, so don't misunderstand me. I always paid attention to that kind of thing in school, mostly since so many wanted to copy off my paper. I noticed that all the girls had "bubbly" writing. You know what I'm talking about, right? They all look so similar. I don't know if sex has anything to do with it - perhaps girls simply attempt to all have the same pretty, neat bubbly writing solely for it to look like all the other girls' handwriting; I don't know.
Raymond and I were at a booth at the fair and the guy asked us if we wanted our handwriting analyzed. All we had to do was sign our name on a sheet then this machine scanned it. Upon scanning our signatures, the machine would then spit out a paper with details about our personalities simply based on our handwriting. We didn't think it would be accurate, but we did it for shits and giggles.
_______________________________________________________________
Here is what mine said about me:
You pursue your objectives with determination and initiative. (Well, yes I am quite determined. Agreed)
You would be willing to take a calculated risk. (OK, isn't that everybody? Some calculate more than others though, and I think this is where I differ from most)
You seek freedom to be your own person and the chance to prove yourself. (I guess this is true?)
You are an active individual who becomes restless and impatient with insufficient progress. (This part is very true)
Your underlying fear of failure keeps you alert and always on your toes. (OH MY GOD IT SEES THROUGH MY SOUL)
You have a relaxed charm and sense of humor which the opposite sex finds appealing. (I don't know? Maybe? I wouldn't know - most guys stay away from me in areas of romance. Go figure)
You accept what life gives you but you want more. (Yes, sigh, true. I'll always want more and at the same time I'm content with nothing)
______________________________________________________
So what do you think?
Think it's filled with generic statements that can fit just about anyone? Perhaps it's just random bullshit?
DUH!
It's a machine, people!
Of course it's randomly generated crapola.
Still though...it was interesting.
So I decided to perform a small experiment last night while I was at work. I asked a few girls at my work to write the words "Best Buy" on a sheet of paper for my own amusement. Their names and ages are also displayed next to their words.
Naturally, they thought my request for handwriting samples was a little strange, but considering it was coming from me, they obliged. They know I'm a little strange anyhow.
Here are the results:
Yes, that last one is me. I wasn't trying to write sloppily or differently; I was just trying to write like I normally do.
So here is how I write:
It's ok, I know what you're thinking.
"Amanda, no one gives a rat's ass about this blog and your handwriting!"
Oh well.
But aside from talking about MY handwriting, am I the only one who studies this kind of shit? Am I the only one who critiques little details like this?
The handwriting of most guys is usually far more messy and varied, but I think I prefer that. I don't like boring, uniform neat letters. Structure is so dull. Irregularity is interesting.
And with that thought, I'm signing off. I'm going to go fold clothes and do more household chores since I can't stand "insufficient progress".
Friday, December 25, 2009
Christmas
Yay, today was Christmas ^__^
So Ray and I exchanged gifts. He got me a new Archos player (fuck ipods, by the way), a Street Fighter blanket W00T, and a new watch. I got him a new jacket, 2 movies, a new video game and a book. My mother came over this morning and I gave her the items we'd bought for her. She loved them but she is easily pleased with gifts since she does have modest taste with material items. She and I are alike in this sense. We both believe too many material possessions are burdensome.
I spent forever baking cookies today since Ray's parents like my chocolate chip cookies from scratch. Once I learned we would later be joining Ray's brother in law's family for Christmas dinner, I had to make an extra batch for more people. Oh noes! I was out of chocolate chips! >=(
So off we were to find an open store on Christmas day. We hit up two stores that we found open along a busy strip called Airline Drive here in Bossier City, but alas! They had no chocolate chips! Finally as we were about to give up Raymond spotted a grocery store open down the block and lo and behold! They had many yummy chocolate chips perfect for baking more delicious cookiessssssss.
I baked more cookies, saw my mom off back to my aunt's house, called my sister and then headed off for dinner with a family I've only met once.
Dinner had its awkward moments, mostly because I don't know anyone there, but it was still good, all things considered. They live out in the deep woods and it is very peaceful there.
Everyone I got gifts for this year was very happy with what they got I think. My sister hasn't received her gifts for her family though, still waiting to hear from her on that. My nephew sounded older over the phone. He is only 7 but he is growing so damn fast. I miss him actually. I really miss that little squirt.
Also to my overseas friend:
Glad you liked the gifts! Very, very glad you liked them in fact! You have no idea how worried I was that you'd not like them, dumb as that may sound. You know how I am lol. All my best to you and yours and I hope you have a happy new year as well.
Well, we are off now. I am a lover of Sherlock Holmes and we are just itching to see the new movie starring Robert Downy Jr. I am thrilled, thrilled thrilled that they made a new Sherlock movie. It's a great way to end the night so I'm signing off now so we can go enjoy it.
Christmas day has been grand.
Goodnight world.
So Ray and I exchanged gifts. He got me a new Archos player (fuck ipods, by the way), a Street Fighter blanket W00T, and a new watch. I got him a new jacket, 2 movies, a new video game and a book. My mother came over this morning and I gave her the items we'd bought for her. She loved them but she is easily pleased with gifts since she does have modest taste with material items. She and I are alike in this sense. We both believe too many material possessions are burdensome.
I spent forever baking cookies today since Ray's parents like my chocolate chip cookies from scratch. Once I learned we would later be joining Ray's brother in law's family for Christmas dinner, I had to make an extra batch for more people. Oh noes! I was out of chocolate chips! >=(
So off we were to find an open store on Christmas day. We hit up two stores that we found open along a busy strip called Airline Drive here in Bossier City, but alas! They had no chocolate chips! Finally as we were about to give up Raymond spotted a grocery store open down the block and lo and behold! They had many yummy chocolate chips perfect for baking more delicious cookiessssssss.
I baked more cookies, saw my mom off back to my aunt's house, called my sister and then headed off for dinner with a family I've only met once.
Dinner had its awkward moments, mostly because I don't know anyone there, but it was still good, all things considered. They live out in the deep woods and it is very peaceful there.
Everyone I got gifts for this year was very happy with what they got I think. My sister hasn't received her gifts for her family though, still waiting to hear from her on that. My nephew sounded older over the phone. He is only 7 but he is growing so damn fast. I miss him actually. I really miss that little squirt.
Also to my overseas friend:
Glad you liked the gifts! Very, very glad you liked them in fact! You have no idea how worried I was that you'd not like them, dumb as that may sound. You know how I am lol. All my best to you and yours and I hope you have a happy new year as well.
Well, we are off now. I am a lover of Sherlock Holmes and we are just itching to see the new movie starring Robert Downy Jr. I am thrilled, thrilled thrilled that they made a new Sherlock movie. It's a great way to end the night so I'm signing off now so we can go enjoy it.
Christmas day has been grand.
Goodnight world.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Barbaric Behavior or Justice?
I wish I could get feedback on this story but I'll just post it here for all to see:
______________________________________________________________
By BABAR DOGAR, Associated Press Writer Babar Dogar, Associated Press Writer – Tue Dec 22, 10:22 am ET
LAHORE, Pakistan – A Pakistani court has ordered the noses and ears of two men cut off after they did the same thing to a young woman whose family spurned one of the men's marriage proposal, a prosecutor said Tuesday.
The anti-terrorism court in the eastern city of Lahore said it was applying Islamic law by ordering the punishment.
Lahore prosecutor Chaudhry Ali Ahmed said one of the accused, Sher Mohammad, was a cousin of the 19-year-old woman and wanted to marry her. Her parents refused his proposal.
Sher Mohammad and a friend, Amanat Mohammad, were accused of kidnapping the woman and cutting off her ears and nose in late September in the Raiwind area of Lahore.
The court on Monday also sentenced each man to 50 years in prison and told them to pay fines and compensation to the woman amounting to several thousand dollars, the prosecutor said.
Pakistan's legal system has Islamic elements that sometimes lead to orders for harsh punishments, but the sentences are often overturned and rarely carried out. Serious crimes are often referred to anti-terrorism courts in Pakistan because they move faster.
Violence against women, especially attacks by spurned lovers, also occurs frequently in this impoverished South Asian nation.
The men have seven days to appeal the ruling, Ahmed said.
_________________________________________________________
I think that we humans far too often let compassion overcome justice and what SHOULD be done to truly punish those who do wrong.
Now, when I read that the guys were getting their noses and ears cut off, I was freaking mortified!
However, after reading that they'd done the same to another person, I thought, "OK so that's fair and square, they deserve it."
So am I without compassion?
I don't know. I mean the very thought of such a horrific thing really is startlingly traumatizing.
But they did it to someone else first - someone who didn't even merit such treatment. I think it is only fair then but it's very, very unlike our culture. Such treatment is considered barbaric in western societies.
But then again, are our western societies any better? We certainly seem to think so but let's examine how it might have unfolded in America:
The guys would have been locked up once files were charged, but then they might have been able to post bail and get back out on the street until their court date arrived. Of course, that would not be possible if a judge denied them bail. However, their lawyers could beg on their client's behalf and (if they are very good at their jobs) convince a judge to let them out until their case is tried due to that so-called belief that you are "innocent until proven guilty".
A noble intention to defend the innocent and a blessed loophole for the all-too-often guilty.
Which side would win if the lawyers appealed to the judge?
It depends...you know, how good the lawyers are (A.K.A. how expensive they are, ahem), how harsh of a judge you're dealing with (they differ county to county and city to city), whether or not you've had a similar case such as this in the past and the conclusions that were drawn from it, the mood that the judge is in, the weather patterns, phase of the moon, the Chinese zodiac and feng shui of the room, you know: the usual.
Then the case can be pushed back under a PILE of paper work in some secretary's office and all that shit processed and then the scumbag lawyers can ask for more time for their dumb ass clients. Truths can be candy coated, mental illness can be blamed, cultural differences can be cited and loopholes manipulated. The guy may not even show up for court since he is out on bail which would lead to an arrest warrant. Still though, you have to find the guy to arrest him, you know.
The case might be brought before a judge and jury finally. Bullshit can be presented. It just depends on who has more money - the defendant or prosecutor. Naturally, we Americans say that all have the right to an attorney but if you have an attorney who has been assigned to you by the state, they have no personal interest in the case other than keeping up their win/lose ratio on paper. In reality, they don't give a shit about whether or not you get your justice because they are still being paid at the end of the day. You are business to them and they sleep just fine either way.
A jury will be composed of people. People are emotional beings. People listen. They listen to lawyers who manipulate and twist truths to sugar coat them and make them easier to swallow. In reality, they're just shoveling sugar sweet shit to the jury and they have no choice but to sit and eat it because they are legally obligated to show up to court for their jury duty. So these people listen to these lawyers and their emotions drive them to create a verdict based on what they feel was right or wrong.
Who is to say that justice will be done at the end of the day? Who will the jury side with?
Usually it's the person with the better lawyer in cases that have no foundational set of laws with which to judge the guilty. When it's "his word against his word" or "he said, she said" crap, you can bet the better lawyer gets the upper hand. And good lawyers don't come cheap, why should they? After all, they have a right to charge out the ass for their services because they're AMERICAN! They have the right to make as much money as they want and no one can stop that. When you're good at something, you know you're good. You use it to your advantage and by God they do.
So who would be the winner in this case if it were tried in America?
Easy, the guy with more money.
SO is this really justice?
Can we really say that our system of justice is any better than the system in Pakistan?
And are we REALLY the more civilized nation?
Are we REALLY better than these savage people?
Are we?
______________________________________________________________
By BABAR DOGAR, Associated Press Writer Babar Dogar, Associated Press Writer – Tue Dec 22, 10:22 am ET
LAHORE, Pakistan – A Pakistani court has ordered the noses and ears of two men cut off after they did the same thing to a young woman whose family spurned one of the men's marriage proposal, a prosecutor said Tuesday.
The anti-terrorism court in the eastern city of Lahore said it was applying Islamic law by ordering the punishment.
Lahore prosecutor Chaudhry Ali Ahmed said one of the accused, Sher Mohammad, was a cousin of the 19-year-old woman and wanted to marry her. Her parents refused his proposal.
Sher Mohammad and a friend, Amanat Mohammad, were accused of kidnapping the woman and cutting off her ears and nose in late September in the Raiwind area of Lahore.
The court on Monday also sentenced each man to 50 years in prison and told them to pay fines and compensation to the woman amounting to several thousand dollars, the prosecutor said.
Pakistan's legal system has Islamic elements that sometimes lead to orders for harsh punishments, but the sentences are often overturned and rarely carried out. Serious crimes are often referred to anti-terrorism courts in Pakistan because they move faster.
Violence against women, especially attacks by spurned lovers, also occurs frequently in this impoverished South Asian nation.
The men have seven days to appeal the ruling, Ahmed said.
_________________________________________________________
I think that we humans far too often let compassion overcome justice and what SHOULD be done to truly punish those who do wrong.
Now, when I read that the guys were getting their noses and ears cut off, I was freaking mortified!
However, after reading that they'd done the same to another person, I thought, "OK so that's fair and square, they deserve it."
So am I without compassion?
I don't know. I mean the very thought of such a horrific thing really is startlingly traumatizing.
But they did it to someone else first - someone who didn't even merit such treatment. I think it is only fair then but it's very, very unlike our culture. Such treatment is considered barbaric in western societies.
But then again, are our western societies any better? We certainly seem to think so but let's examine how it might have unfolded in America:
The guys would have been locked up once files were charged, but then they might have been able to post bail and get back out on the street until their court date arrived. Of course, that would not be possible if a judge denied them bail. However, their lawyers could beg on their client's behalf and (if they are very good at their jobs) convince a judge to let them out until their case is tried due to that so-called belief that you are "innocent until proven guilty".
A noble intention to defend the innocent and a blessed loophole for the all-too-often guilty.
Which side would win if the lawyers appealed to the judge?
It depends...you know, how good the lawyers are (A.K.A. how expensive they are, ahem), how harsh of a judge you're dealing with (they differ county to county and city to city), whether or not you've had a similar case such as this in the past and the conclusions that were drawn from it, the mood that the judge is in, the weather patterns, phase of the moon, the Chinese zodiac and feng shui of the room, you know: the usual.
Then the case can be pushed back under a PILE of paper work in some secretary's office and all that shit processed and then the scumbag lawyers can ask for more time for their dumb ass clients. Truths can be candy coated, mental illness can be blamed, cultural differences can be cited and loopholes manipulated. The guy may not even show up for court since he is out on bail which would lead to an arrest warrant. Still though, you have to find the guy to arrest him, you know.
The case might be brought before a judge and jury finally. Bullshit can be presented. It just depends on who has more money - the defendant or prosecutor. Naturally, we Americans say that all have the right to an attorney but if you have an attorney who has been assigned to you by the state, they have no personal interest in the case other than keeping up their win/lose ratio on paper. In reality, they don't give a shit about whether or not you get your justice because they are still being paid at the end of the day. You are business to them and they sleep just fine either way.
A jury will be composed of people. People are emotional beings. People listen. They listen to lawyers who manipulate and twist truths to sugar coat them and make them easier to swallow. In reality, they're just shoveling sugar sweet shit to the jury and they have no choice but to sit and eat it because they are legally obligated to show up to court for their jury duty. So these people listen to these lawyers and their emotions drive them to create a verdict based on what they feel was right or wrong.
Who is to say that justice will be done at the end of the day? Who will the jury side with?
Usually it's the person with the better lawyer in cases that have no foundational set of laws with which to judge the guilty. When it's "his word against his word" or "he said, she said" crap, you can bet the better lawyer gets the upper hand. And good lawyers don't come cheap, why should they? After all, they have a right to charge out the ass for their services because they're AMERICAN! They have the right to make as much money as they want and no one can stop that. When you're good at something, you know you're good. You use it to your advantage and by God they do.
So who would be the winner in this case if it were tried in America?
Easy, the guy with more money.
SO is this really justice?
Can we really say that our system of justice is any better than the system in Pakistan?
And are we REALLY the more civilized nation?
Are we REALLY better than these savage people?
Are we?
Monday, December 21, 2009
Where we stand
I suppose I left my relationship status a little open and mysterious a couple of months ago. For a while I was really scratching my head, trying to figure out just what to do with my situation of being in love with a person and yet feeling that I would be happier with a woman instead.
I didn't think about how I was letting others' views of "normalcy" taint my own opinions on what a so-called healthy relationship should actually consist of.
This is what it consists of for us...
Yes, US:
I was simply trying to click the "take picture" button with my laptop's built in webcam while Ray was busy trying to smooch on my face heh (not to mention he is trying not to laugh in this picture) ^-^'
Too often we are so busy trying to fit into the cookie cutter standards that are unknowingly set by our peers and cultures for our relationship patterns and behaviors that we simply do not examine what we truly are seeking in our quest for contentment with a life partner. In other words, we lose our originality.
There is not originality now in our relationships here in America. We now are simply all falling into those set standards that eagerly feed stereotypes and cliches.
I feel an amazing sense of freedom now in my relationship just knowing that I don't have to be like them.
I've never paid any mind to others' opinions in regards to how I should live my life in other areas, so why should I start with the subject of romantic relationships? Surely I can do better than that.
I didn't realize how much I was letting it get to me: the whole concept of, "You have to have sex to be happy."
or
"If you don't have lots of sex then your relationship is 'unhealthy' ."
Really, now. Is that so?
We are proof that it isn't.
OK, so I'm NOT going to divulge secrets of my sex life now at this point, but lets just say that we have reached a point where we are very, very content. We are not driven by the constant desires that most people are. In our society, we as individuals think we "have to have sex!" simply because it's so damned emphasized within our media, culture and peers. Aren't we higher than the animals that we eat? I thought we were...
Throughout all my searching for answers about whether or not we are meant to be together, Raymond always maintained his heartfelt, simple and honest truth and kept reiterating to me that same truth: it's ok if you don't want sex constantly, we love each other and that won't change.
I thought my lack of attraction to him was a real problem.
However, I also further examined my attraction to people in general and I found that I'd not really changed all that much throughout my life. My status is simply this: I may find some people attractive or beautiful, but I'm not really that physically into anyone - man or woman.
Don't get me wrong, I have encountered rare people who just are so freaking gorgeous that it can just make your heart ache to even look at them. Despite that, I don't go nuts over them like, "Omg I just creamed my panties, ur so hawt!" (sorry for the disturbing description)
I guess I am truly more attracted to women at the end of the day, but I'd have to be in love to actually want them physically.
I also discovered that my attraction really rides on my feelings. If I love someone, they are attractive to me. Now Ray isn't your typical guy at all. His Asian features are hard to place but somehow he comes out looking adorable to me. His hair always stands straight up and I always play with it and tell him I love his "fuzz". Poor guy, he's been losing his hair for a few years now but I tell him I love him just the same and that I have enough hair for the both of us. I'm also glad he's mostly hairless except for his face - he can grow a beard very quickly. He's got a huge chest and it's very warm to cuddle up to. His hands are large but he's the most gentle giant you could possibly meet.
He likes to sew; I like to create more.
He likes the color pink (yes, I kid you not - he has a pink MP3 player, motorcycle helmet, etc); I like whatever color my hand happens to land on when picking out my shirt for the day.
He is versatile in his views of good company and can get along with anyone and win them over with what we have now begun to call "the Raymond charm"; I am stubborn in my ways of tolerance (and lack thereof) and he thinks it's cute how I can be easily irritated by my peers.
I hate make up; he loves make up and thinks it's fun to play with.
Raymond can run in heels (Yes, again, I shit you not) but I would simply break my ankle. I've never worn heels and never WILL, damn it.
Raymond can just turn on the radio and listen to whatever song is playing and say, "Yeah this jams woooo" but I constantly flip through it and usually end up either putting in something from my collection of CDs or turning it to talk radio.
Raymond likes YAOI; I love YURI. We fully support each others habits and buy stuff to feed those addictions. He says he loves the relationship drama created in those YAOI stories.
Ray can play with a piece of string and think it's awesome but I am just picky, picky. I usually end up reading news or some random information somewhere.
Raymond eats whatever is in front of him and says, "hmm this is great! What is it?" I carefully select stuff from my limited list of foods, but I am not opposed to trying new things as long as it doesn't smell bad. That hasn't ever stopped Ray though.
Anyhow, we balance each other. I'm far too serious but I am trying to be more laid back. Raymond has helped me in this sense and he wasn't even meaning to - he was just being himself. He is far too laid back sometimes though and so I help him in this area. Some things he should take seriously and doesn't and I've kind of gotten him on a better track. I won't go into details on those and start naming Ray's flaws but I'm not hesitant to go into detail about my own.
So here we are, a non traditional couple just enjoying life and not caring about what others think of our relationship. We're pretty much happy as clams not worrying about fitting into the "normal standards". If we are content as we are, why change?
Don't let others decide for you what is healthy or normal.
I didn't think about how I was letting others' views of "normalcy" taint my own opinions on what a so-called healthy relationship should actually consist of.
This is what it consists of for us...
Yes, US:
Blargh, yes I know I look like I am either hesitant to kiss him or that I simply do not know how to kiss. Well, neither are correct, damn it.
*folds arms and runs off to a corner to sit stubbornly staring ahead*
I was simply trying to click the "take picture" button with my laptop's built in webcam while Ray was busy trying to smooch on my face heh (not to mention he is trying not to laugh in this picture) ^-^'
Too often we are so busy trying to fit into the cookie cutter standards that are unknowingly set by our peers and cultures for our relationship patterns and behaviors that we simply do not examine what we truly are seeking in our quest for contentment with a life partner. In other words, we lose our originality.
There is not originality now in our relationships here in America. We now are simply all falling into those set standards that eagerly feed stereotypes and cliches.
I feel an amazing sense of freedom now in my relationship just knowing that I don't have to be like them.
I've never paid any mind to others' opinions in regards to how I should live my life in other areas, so why should I start with the subject of romantic relationships? Surely I can do better than that.
I didn't realize how much I was letting it get to me: the whole concept of, "You have to have sex to be happy."
or
"If you don't have lots of sex then your relationship is 'unhealthy' ."
Really, now. Is that so?
We are proof that it isn't.
OK, so I'm NOT going to divulge secrets of my sex life now at this point, but lets just say that we have reached a point where we are very, very content. We are not driven by the constant desires that most people are. In our society, we as individuals think we "have to have sex!" simply because it's so damned emphasized within our media, culture and peers. Aren't we higher than the animals that we eat? I thought we were...
Throughout all my searching for answers about whether or not we are meant to be together, Raymond always maintained his heartfelt, simple and honest truth and kept reiterating to me that same truth: it's ok if you don't want sex constantly, we love each other and that won't change.
I thought my lack of attraction to him was a real problem.
However, I also further examined my attraction to people in general and I found that I'd not really changed all that much throughout my life. My status is simply this: I may find some people attractive or beautiful, but I'm not really that physically into anyone - man or woman.
Don't get me wrong, I have encountered rare people who just are so freaking gorgeous that it can just make your heart ache to even look at them. Despite that, I don't go nuts over them like, "Omg I just creamed my panties, ur so hawt!" (sorry for the disturbing description)
I guess I am truly more attracted to women at the end of the day, but I'd have to be in love to actually want them physically.
I also discovered that my attraction really rides on my feelings. If I love someone, they are attractive to me. Now Ray isn't your typical guy at all. His Asian features are hard to place but somehow he comes out looking adorable to me. His hair always stands straight up and I always play with it and tell him I love his "fuzz". Poor guy, he's been losing his hair for a few years now but I tell him I love him just the same and that I have enough hair for the both of us. I'm also glad he's mostly hairless except for his face - he can grow a beard very quickly. He's got a huge chest and it's very warm to cuddle up to. His hands are large but he's the most gentle giant you could possibly meet.
He likes to sew; I like to create more.
He likes the color pink (yes, I kid you not - he has a pink MP3 player, motorcycle helmet, etc); I like whatever color my hand happens to land on when picking out my shirt for the day.
He is versatile in his views of good company and can get along with anyone and win them over with what we have now begun to call "the Raymond charm"; I am stubborn in my ways of tolerance (and lack thereof) and he thinks it's cute how I can be easily irritated by my peers.
I hate make up; he loves make up and thinks it's fun to play with.
Raymond can run in heels (Yes, again, I shit you not) but I would simply break my ankle. I've never worn heels and never WILL, damn it.
Raymond can just turn on the radio and listen to whatever song is playing and say, "Yeah this jams woooo" but I constantly flip through it and usually end up either putting in something from my collection of CDs or turning it to talk radio.
Raymond likes YAOI; I love YURI. We fully support each others habits and buy stuff to feed those addictions. He says he loves the relationship drama created in those YAOI stories.
Ray can play with a piece of string and think it's awesome but I am just picky, picky. I usually end up reading news or some random information somewhere.
Raymond eats whatever is in front of him and says, "hmm this is great! What is it?" I carefully select stuff from my limited list of foods, but I am not opposed to trying new things as long as it doesn't smell bad. That hasn't ever stopped Ray though.
Anyhow, we balance each other. I'm far too serious but I am trying to be more laid back. Raymond has helped me in this sense and he wasn't even meaning to - he was just being himself. He is far too laid back sometimes though and so I help him in this area. Some things he should take seriously and doesn't and I've kind of gotten him on a better track. I won't go into details on those and start naming Ray's flaws but I'm not hesitant to go into detail about my own.
So here we are, a non traditional couple just enjoying life and not caring about what others think of our relationship. We're pretty much happy as clams not worrying about fitting into the "normal standards". If we are content as we are, why change?
Don't let others decide for you what is healthy or normal.
Thank You Jesus
Christ Jesus, I praise your holy name in thanks for taking away my boss Laura for an ENTIRE WEEK so that I don't have to see her face and endure her squeaky, whiny voice as heard when she gripes at me like she does almost everyday.
-Amen
-Amen
Thursday, December 17, 2009
WTF WTF WTF
So if you read this blog, you should know I am interested in stats regarding states and countries. I find studies performed on groups of people to be interesting. Usually, the studies I read are not surprising at all to me and they only confirm my already formed opinions on the subjects.
However, tonight I read a study that genuinely left me astonished!
Read below:
Ever wondered if you'd be happier in sunny Florida or snow-covered Minnesota? New research on state-level happiness could answer that question.
Florida and two other sunshine states made it to the Top 5, while Minnesota doesn't show up until number 26 on the list of happiest states. In addition to rating the smile factor of U.S. states, the research also proved for the first time that a person's self-reported happiness matches up with objective measures of well-being.
Essentially, if an individual says they're happy, they are.
"When human beings give you an answer on a numerical scale about how satisfied they are with their lives, it is best to pay attention. Their answers are reliable," said Andrew Oswald of the University of Warwick in England. "This suggests that life-satisfaction survey data might be very useful for governments to use in the design of economic and social policies," Oswald said.
The happy-states list, however, doesn't match up with a similar ranking reported last month, which found that the most tolerant and wealthiest states were, on average, the happiest. Oswald says this past is based on raw averages of people's happiness in a state, and so doesn't provide meaningful results.
"That study cannot control for individual characteristics," Oswald told LiveScience. "In other words, all anyone has been able to do is to report the averages state-by-state, and the problem with doing that is you're not comparing apples with apples because the people who live in New York City are nothing like the individuals living in Montana."
Rather, Oswald and Stephen Wu, an economist at Hamilton College in New York, statistically created a representative American. That way they could take, for example, a 38-year-old woman with a high-school diploma and making medium-wage who is living anywhere and transplant her to another state and get a rough estimate of her happiness level.
"Not much point in looking at the happiness of a Texas rancher compared to a nurse in Ohio,"
Oswald said.
The happiest states:
1. Louisiana
2. Hawaii
3. Florida
4. Tennessee
5. Arizona
6. Mississippi
7. Montana
8. South Carolina
9. Alabama
10. Maine
The scientists caution, however, that the top spot, Louisiana, might not reflect current levels of well-being since the data were collected before the disruption caused by Hurricane Katrina. They are confident that data for the other states does accurately reflect happiness levels.
See the full list of 50 states (and the District of Columbia) here.
Happiness measures
Their results come from a comparison of two data sets of happiness levels in each state, one that relied on participants' self-reported well-being and the other an objective measure that took into account a state's weather, home prices and other factors that are known reasons to frown (or smile).
The self-reported information came from 1.3 million U.S. citizens who took part in a survey between 2005 and 2008.
"We wanted to study whether people's feelings of satisfaction with their own lives are reliable, that is, whether they match up to reality - of sunshine hours, congestion, air quality, etc - in their own state," Oswald said.
The results showed the two measures matched up. "We were stunned when it first came up on our screens, because no one has ever managed to produce a clear validation before of subjective well-being, or happiness, data," Oswald said.
They were also surprised at the least happy states, such as New York and Connecticut, which landed at the bottom two spots on the list.
"We were struck by the states that come at the bottom, because a lot of them are on the East Coast, highly prosperous and industrialized," Oswald said. "That's another way of saying they have a lot of congestion, high house prices, bad air quality."
He added, "Many people think these states would be marvelous places to live in. The problem is that if too many individuals think that way, they move into those states, and the resulting congestion and house prices make it a non-fulfilling prophecy."
Would you be happier in another state?
Using both the subjective well-being results, which included individual characteristics like demographics and income, and the objective findings, the team could figure out how an individual would fare in a particular state.
"We can create a like-to-like comparison, because we know the characteristics of people in every state," Oswald said. "So we can adjust statistically to compare a representative person hypothetically put down in any state."
This new research will be published online on Dec. 17 by the journal Science.
Now, from my blog on obesity stats, you'll notice that Louisiana is ranked 49 out of the 50 states in regards to its health. Also, Louisiana is ranked incredibly low (49 I last heard) for its educational system.
Ironically, the New England states such as New York and Connecticut topped the least happiest states. This is in stark contrast to the health rankings which list New England sates as the healthiest of all!
Does anyone see something wrong with this pattern?
So the more wealthy, healthy and educated states are more miserable? Why? Why is this?
And the most unhealthy, poverty stricken and uneducated state is ranked as the happiest?!
WTF!
Most wouldn't freak out over these statistics, but I do! I am a resident of Louisiana - born and raised here! I can name so many, many reasons why I am unhappy with my states current condition, but most residents are apparently happy! Why are they happy living here? Are they just so drenched with their own stupid ignorant apathy that they are blissfully unaware of how much of a miserable of a state we are?
)(*&^%$#@#%&*!@
My brain hurts now
However, tonight I read a study that genuinely left me astonished!
Read below:
Ever wondered if you'd be happier in sunny Florida or snow-covered Minnesota? New research on state-level happiness could answer that question.
Florida and two other sunshine states made it to the Top 5, while Minnesota doesn't show up until number 26 on the list of happiest states. In addition to rating the smile factor of U.S. states, the research also proved for the first time that a person's self-reported happiness matches up with objective measures of well-being.
Essentially, if an individual says they're happy, they are.
"When human beings give you an answer on a numerical scale about how satisfied they are with their lives, it is best to pay attention. Their answers are reliable," said Andrew Oswald of the University of Warwick in England. "This suggests that life-satisfaction survey data might be very useful for governments to use in the design of economic and social policies," Oswald said.
The happy-states list, however, doesn't match up with a similar ranking reported last month, which found that the most tolerant and wealthiest states were, on average, the happiest. Oswald says this past is based on raw averages of people's happiness in a state, and so doesn't provide meaningful results.
"That study cannot control for individual characteristics," Oswald told LiveScience. "In other words, all anyone has been able to do is to report the averages state-by-state, and the problem with doing that is you're not comparing apples with apples because the people who live in New York City are nothing like the individuals living in Montana."
Rather, Oswald and Stephen Wu, an economist at Hamilton College in New York, statistically created a representative American. That way they could take, for example, a 38-year-old woman with a high-school diploma and making medium-wage who is living anywhere and transplant her to another state and get a rough estimate of her happiness level.
"Not much point in looking at the happiness of a Texas rancher compared to a nurse in Ohio,"
Oswald said.
The happiest states:
1. Louisiana
2. Hawaii
3. Florida
4. Tennessee
5. Arizona
6. Mississippi
7. Montana
8. South Carolina
9. Alabama
10. Maine
The scientists caution, however, that the top spot, Louisiana, might not reflect current levels of well-being since the data were collected before the disruption caused by Hurricane Katrina. They are confident that data for the other states does accurately reflect happiness levels.
See the full list of 50 states (and the District of Columbia) here.
Happiness measures
Their results come from a comparison of two data sets of happiness levels in each state, one that relied on participants' self-reported well-being and the other an objective measure that took into account a state's weather, home prices and other factors that are known reasons to frown (or smile).
The self-reported information came from 1.3 million U.S. citizens who took part in a survey between 2005 and 2008.
"We wanted to study whether people's feelings of satisfaction with their own lives are reliable, that is, whether they match up to reality - of sunshine hours, congestion, air quality, etc - in their own state," Oswald said.
The results showed the two measures matched up. "We were stunned when it first came up on our screens, because no one has ever managed to produce a clear validation before of subjective well-being, or happiness, data," Oswald said.
They were also surprised at the least happy states, such as New York and Connecticut, which landed at the bottom two spots on the list.
"We were struck by the states that come at the bottom, because a lot of them are on the East Coast, highly prosperous and industrialized," Oswald said. "That's another way of saying they have a lot of congestion, high house prices, bad air quality."
He added, "Many people think these states would be marvelous places to live in. The problem is that if too many individuals think that way, they move into those states, and the resulting congestion and house prices make it a non-fulfilling prophecy."
Would you be happier in another state?
Using both the subjective well-being results, which included individual characteristics like demographics and income, and the objective findings, the team could figure out how an individual would fare in a particular state.
"We can create a like-to-like comparison, because we know the characteristics of people in every state," Oswald said. "So we can adjust statistically to compare a representative person hypothetically put down in any state."
This new research will be published online on Dec. 17 by the journal Science.
Now, from my blog on obesity stats, you'll notice that Louisiana is ranked 49 out of the 50 states in regards to its health. Also, Louisiana is ranked incredibly low (49 I last heard) for its educational system.
Ironically, the New England states such as New York and Connecticut topped the least happiest states. This is in stark contrast to the health rankings which list New England sates as the healthiest of all!
Does anyone see something wrong with this pattern?
So the more wealthy, healthy and educated states are more miserable? Why? Why is this?
And the most unhealthy, poverty stricken and uneducated state is ranked as the happiest?!
WTF!
Most wouldn't freak out over these statistics, but I do! I am a resident of Louisiana - born and raised here! I can name so many, many reasons why I am unhappy with my states current condition, but most residents are apparently happy! Why are they happy living here? Are they just so drenched with their own stupid ignorant apathy that they are blissfully unaware of how much of a miserable of a state we are?
)(*&^%$#@#%&*!@
My brain hurts now
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Looking back
I wonder how much of our current beings are composed of experiences - those occurrences, events and happenings which have unfolded over time to shape our personalities into what they are today. I suppose I shouldn't say "personality" but "being", rather.
By the same token, I wonder how much of our beings are innate - what qualities, characteristics and traits are native to our being without outside influences. These things truly are ingrained within us from birth and are essentially us.
Either way, I believe that both are present within us, but perhaps some have more of one than the other.
I guess if I had to put a percentage on my traits, I would say I am 75% innate behavior and 25% socially molded behavior. I mean socially in the sense of the life experiences I spoke of earlier and how they are related to society and culture.
Throughout all my life experiences, I would have to say that each chapter has been short. I've spoken on this previously but only briefly and in passing. Tonight, as I reflect back on how this year has turned out overall, I am forced to acknowledge yet more complex chapters that have unfolded and wonder how I would have been if things had been different all my life.
I am not saying I would change things, but I do wonder. I always wonder. Seldom is my brain not in the clouds and yet I claim to be more steeped in reality than most of the people I have encountered. I've been accused of being a negative person for this, by the way.
I am thinking back to many things that have happened over the years of my life. I think of all the people I have met. So many people. So many missed opportunities. A counselor would tell me that it isn't my fault - I had parents who failed to keep a stable marriage, a stable financial situation, a stable life. However, I started blaming myself very early on for all the mistakes of my social awkwardness and other misfortunes. I still beat myself up when I think of how I dropped out of school. I could have been great, you know. I could have been many things. I want to do many things and feel that my time to take advantage of some of these things has expired. It's sort of tragic.
Oh boo hoo though, cry me a river, right?
Well, I have mistakes under my belt and a head on my shoulders so I won't repeat the things I have done wrong. Fuck self pity. No excuses. I can pardon anyone in the world except myself.
My life has flown by in inconsistent bursts. So many moves. So many towns. So many miles. So many disagreements. So many tears. So many hardships, broken dreams and failed expectations. Each burst has been so short and though I appeared to remain the same throughout it all, I constantly fought off the emotional turmoil which threatened to ruin me. Each burst had high highs and low lows. I was overjoyed and flying in the clouds before crashing back down to reality topped with a hard life lesson. I know no consistency but inconsistency.
Despite all this, I think I would have mostly turned out to be the same person even if I'd had a more stable upbringing. I return to my previous thought on how much of us is socially influenced versus our natural born traits. I still have childish ways I think. Sometimes I still feel like a little girl, but I don't mean that in a good way.
I used to stutter. I stuttered especially badly whenever my father would talk to me. It usually consisted of yelling so that didn't help. He was a brilliant but cruel man. He made fun of me when I stuttered. I was a very frightened, shy child. Now as an adult, my stuttering has calmed but I still feel like a scared kid often times. My willpower has kept me from letting it get the better of me, but my stuttering sometimes comes out when I am in the presence of someone who reminds me of my father. My general manager reminds me of my father a little bit and I always look/sound stupid when I am around him. My ridiculous inability to communicate suddenly rears its ugly head. I have no doubt he thinks I am not that bright but there is no way for me to turn his opinion around I am sure. Its tragic that some people like him will never know my more confident, intelligent side.
People have definitely shaped who I have become, though. I will say that. People who vex me have hardened my heart a little bit where it was once compassionately, naively vulnerable. I now have less tolerance. People have also disgusted me to the point where I am so picky who I open up to, most will never know the real me. I am very guarded now and I suppose that is a little sad. At the same time, I have come to be able to quickly identify those who are more intelligent. Sometimes it inspires me when they appear approachable for then I can actually speak to and learn from them. At other times, it intimidates me if they appear very boastful. Then I can even get angry if they are overly aware of their superior intelligence as they flaunt it about. People are complex yet they are simply. Most fall within only a few categories that I've subconsciously created in my mind. I think the most dominant feelings I've had throughout my life toward people are (first) fear and (in later years) anger. Whenever I started to become more of an adult around 17 or 18, I changed a bit and tried my best to see the good in people. Damn it, I tried so hard. I did for years and I got really burned because I allowed myself to become way more vulnerable than I should have. Now I have this strange, complex mixture of all those feelings and tendencies. Why can't it be simple?
This year, I would have to say that despite my hardships in my relationship with Raymond and my mother, it was a very good year because I learned so much. I don't mean I learned from just my classes at college either, but I learned more about life. I learned more about myself. I learned that I can still cry and that I am not completely numb after all. I can still be inspired. Those feelings that I thought were dead and long gone were still there. I had grown so numb just working each day without any further motivation to better myself. I was just focused on getting by. Yet, life really does throw you some curve balls, doesn't it? I learned that inspiration can come from unlikely sources. I also learned not everyone understands it when they inspire you but I guess some things can't really be explained in words. I learned I am capable of doing more than I thought I was and now I wonder what else I can do.
Yes, people have influenced me. However, this year, they influenced me in a good way. Overall, I'd have to say this is the first year where I can make this claim. I've been influenced in a positive way by people I love and for once, they weren't there to tear me down or ask anything of me.
Obviously, I still have had my battles with my family matters. It'll be ok though, I'll somehow take care of things just as I always do.
I wish I could truly thank all who have had a hand in influencing my life in a positive way. I guess all I can do is keep them in my thoughts and prayers as I wish them the best and honor them in my heart. There are few who read this blog, but if you do, then thank you.
Thanks.
By the same token, I wonder how much of our beings are innate - what qualities, characteristics and traits are native to our being without outside influences. These things truly are ingrained within us from birth and are essentially us.
Either way, I believe that both are present within us, but perhaps some have more of one than the other.
I guess if I had to put a percentage on my traits, I would say I am 75% innate behavior and 25% socially molded behavior. I mean socially in the sense of the life experiences I spoke of earlier and how they are related to society and culture.
Throughout all my life experiences, I would have to say that each chapter has been short. I've spoken on this previously but only briefly and in passing. Tonight, as I reflect back on how this year has turned out overall, I am forced to acknowledge yet more complex chapters that have unfolded and wonder how I would have been if things had been different all my life.
I am not saying I would change things, but I do wonder. I always wonder. Seldom is my brain not in the clouds and yet I claim to be more steeped in reality than most of the people I have encountered. I've been accused of being a negative person for this, by the way.
I am thinking back to many things that have happened over the years of my life. I think of all the people I have met. So many people. So many missed opportunities. A counselor would tell me that it isn't my fault - I had parents who failed to keep a stable marriage, a stable financial situation, a stable life. However, I started blaming myself very early on for all the mistakes of my social awkwardness and other misfortunes. I still beat myself up when I think of how I dropped out of school. I could have been great, you know. I could have been many things. I want to do many things and feel that my time to take advantage of some of these things has expired. It's sort of tragic.
Oh boo hoo though, cry me a river, right?
Well, I have mistakes under my belt and a head on my shoulders so I won't repeat the things I have done wrong. Fuck self pity. No excuses. I can pardon anyone in the world except myself.
My life has flown by in inconsistent bursts. So many moves. So many towns. So many miles. So many disagreements. So many tears. So many hardships, broken dreams and failed expectations. Each burst has been so short and though I appeared to remain the same throughout it all, I constantly fought off the emotional turmoil which threatened to ruin me. Each burst had high highs and low lows. I was overjoyed and flying in the clouds before crashing back down to reality topped with a hard life lesson. I know no consistency but inconsistency.
Despite all this, I think I would have mostly turned out to be the same person even if I'd had a more stable upbringing. I return to my previous thought on how much of us is socially influenced versus our natural born traits. I still have childish ways I think. Sometimes I still feel like a little girl, but I don't mean that in a good way.
I used to stutter. I stuttered especially badly whenever my father would talk to me. It usually consisted of yelling so that didn't help. He was a brilliant but cruel man. He made fun of me when I stuttered. I was a very frightened, shy child. Now as an adult, my stuttering has calmed but I still feel like a scared kid often times. My willpower has kept me from letting it get the better of me, but my stuttering sometimes comes out when I am in the presence of someone who reminds me of my father. My general manager reminds me of my father a little bit and I always look/sound stupid when I am around him. My ridiculous inability to communicate suddenly rears its ugly head. I have no doubt he thinks I am not that bright but there is no way for me to turn his opinion around I am sure. Its tragic that some people like him will never know my more confident, intelligent side.
People have definitely shaped who I have become, though. I will say that. People who vex me have hardened my heart a little bit where it was once compassionately, naively vulnerable. I now have less tolerance. People have also disgusted me to the point where I am so picky who I open up to, most will never know the real me. I am very guarded now and I suppose that is a little sad. At the same time, I have come to be able to quickly identify those who are more intelligent. Sometimes it inspires me when they appear approachable for then I can actually speak to and learn from them. At other times, it intimidates me if they appear very boastful. Then I can even get angry if they are overly aware of their superior intelligence as they flaunt it about. People are complex yet they are simply. Most fall within only a few categories that I've subconsciously created in my mind. I think the most dominant feelings I've had throughout my life toward people are (first) fear and (in later years) anger. Whenever I started to become more of an adult around 17 or 18, I changed a bit and tried my best to see the good in people. Damn it, I tried so hard. I did for years and I got really burned because I allowed myself to become way more vulnerable than I should have. Now I have this strange, complex mixture of all those feelings and tendencies. Why can't it be simple?
This year, I would have to say that despite my hardships in my relationship with Raymond and my mother, it was a very good year because I learned so much. I don't mean I learned from just my classes at college either, but I learned more about life. I learned more about myself. I learned that I can still cry and that I am not completely numb after all. I can still be inspired. Those feelings that I thought were dead and long gone were still there. I had grown so numb just working each day without any further motivation to better myself. I was just focused on getting by. Yet, life really does throw you some curve balls, doesn't it? I learned that inspiration can come from unlikely sources. I also learned not everyone understands it when they inspire you but I guess some things can't really be explained in words. I learned I am capable of doing more than I thought I was and now I wonder what else I can do.
Yes, people have influenced me. However, this year, they influenced me in a good way. Overall, I'd have to say this is the first year where I can make this claim. I've been influenced in a positive way by people I love and for once, they weren't there to tear me down or ask anything of me.
Obviously, I still have had my battles with my family matters. It'll be ok though, I'll somehow take care of things just as I always do.
I wish I could truly thank all who have had a hand in influencing my life in a positive way. I guess all I can do is keep them in my thoughts and prayers as I wish them the best and honor them in my heart. There are few who read this blog, but if you do, then thank you.
Thanks.
Monday, December 14, 2009
At School
This will be the only time I'll be able to do this most likely. I'm at school at the moment and I just wanted to post an entry from college...
I'm waiting for everyone to arrive for my English final.
Hope I do well.
peace.
________________________________________________
Minutes later:
She's grading my paper now. I think I did badly. I think it kicked my ass. Fuck dude, this sucks.
_______________________
A few mintues later:
OK made a 90%....I guess thats not too bad. Meh :\
Jesus though, that was actually DIFFICULT!
I'm waiting for everyone to arrive for my English final.
Hope I do well.
peace.
________________________________________________
Minutes later:
She's grading my paper now. I think I did badly. I think it kicked my ass. Fuck dude, this sucks.
_______________________
A few mintues later:
OK made a 90%....I guess thats not too bad. Meh :\
Jesus though, that was actually DIFFICULT!
Dec 13th
So yesterday I closed the store and decided to use my spare time before work to actually work out. I don't like the gym all that much (even though I've been going some lately) so I got this pilates DVD, moved some furniture around my living room, spread out a yoga mat and just went at it.
Oh my God
That shit sucks!
My quads are more sore than they have ever been in my life!
This woman...this evil instructor woman in the video had me do a gazillion squat variations. Now, you should know that I hate squats. I'm quite stout actually, and I'm not limber at all. My balance is poor and I don't have a really lanky body. In other words, I'm kind of heavy for my height. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a total fat ass! most are shocked when I actually tell them my weight to the actual pound. Doing these balancing exercises means it requires just a little more effort from me than it would from a slightly lighter person of my height. This resulted in pain - TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE PAIN!
I've been waddling all day whenever I need to walk and everyone on staff at work was asking "What's wrong?" because I appear to be limping. All I can say is that I am very glad I do not have to walk all over the sales floor any more.
_______________________________________
On another note, I am obviously feeling better since I am able to work out. My cold is not completely gone, but it is not nearly as bad as it was a week ago! I can finally breathe through my nose once more and my taste/smell has fully returned. It did eventually turn into a chest cold, but I never stopped popping vitamin C tablets and I made sure to keep up the humidifier and steam vapor treatments. Glad I didn't have to drink whiskey too much because that shit is disgusting.
In regards to my mother, I'm still bummed about the situation. I have to update the rest of my family on the latest developments and I just don't want to do that. It's annoying because she leaves it up to me to tell my grandma and sister when she decides to go a different route in her major decision making. I have to get her 2 more gifts for Christmas and I can pretty much call my Christmas shopping complete.
Now, today I went and had lunch with Ray's parents and grandma before I went to work. His grandma doesn't speak a word of English so the only thing I can ever do is smile at her and nod my head/bow a little. His parents are just so so so so soooooo intimidating! His mom looks like she'll burn holes through me but she always acts nice. It's just so weird! I know they are at least "OK" with me being Ray's girlfriend, but they talk shit about me behind my back. They always bug Ray about how he should be with an Asian female. They wouldn't really care what race of Asian, just you know...any kind of Asian. Well shit, I wish I were Asian too but that really isn't happening so I hope they can learn to live with that. His mom always says something about how I should eat more also. I just can't eat much around them because they make me so nervous.
When I had dinner with them like 2 or so years ago, one of Ray's sisters leaned over and whispered to me, "Pssst...hey...knowing how judgmental my parents are, I'd advise you to at least put some rice on your plate and pick at it or something..." That's basically how they are.
"You no want to eat more? You hardly eat anything," his mom commented to me today.
I just smiled and assured her that I was indeed full because I had put plenty of food on my plate from the buffet. They were treating us to a buffet from the Horseshoe Casino in my city. This casino/hotel is fancy as hell and they're high rollers in the dealers' room.
Also, his mom didn't know that someone could major in English. Since she speaks choppy English, I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but it was still a bit odd to learn that someone living in America for like 30 years could not be aware of this. It came up during conversation when I just randomly told them I was considering majoring in English. While this isn't entirely true (the thought just kind of popped in my head when we were discussing my classes) I told them this to kind of get them to believe I have some direction in life. In reality, I have no direction other than that which inspires me and the motivation to constantly seek out a higher knowledge. I want to become greater. I want to become smarter. I want to become more well rounded and dive into other cultures and beliefs. I want to just go swim in a sea of knowledge, art and philosophy! eerrr.... but yes, I didn't want to spew this crap to them, so I simply said, "Yeah I'm considering majoring in English..."
________________________________________________
My boss is also an asshole.
This mother fucker was going to leave an 18 year old boy in the freezing winter rain without a ride last night around 1 AM.
A guy named Warren works at my store and he doesn't have a car so his mom picks him up. His ride wasn't there when we were closing the store at 1 in the morning and it was fucking freezing outside with the misty rain just gently, steadily falling. I told my manager Jason that we should all wait inside until his ride shows up. Jason looked at me: "We're locking up," he said.
"But Warren is still waiting outside..."
"Oh he'll be fine."
"But we can't just LEAVE him there!"
Then Warren assured us that it was ok and that he didn't want to be a bother.
Jason took me aside inside the building and said, "Heck yeah I'll leave him here. I want to go home!"
I asked him, "But isn't it policy not to leave anyone behind?"
"Well I think once they're out of the building that they're on their own.." Jason argued back.
I grabbed my shit, clocked out and waited outside for Jason. Whenever he came out of the building, I looked at Warren as all three of us stood on the sidewalk and announced, "Warren I'm waiting with you dude. I don't believe it's right for me to leave you alone here at 1 AM without a ride. I'll wait with you until your ride shows up."
Jason just looked at me with this pissed off look...
He knew that if he left both me and him there that he would just look like a complete asshole, especially after what I'd just said.
Again, Warren argued that he was fine there by himself but I told him that there was no guarantee that his mother would be there. "What if something happens and she can't make it?" I asked.
So we waited...in the fucking freezing winter rain at 1 AM...because my boss is a selfish asshole with no fucking morals. What if something had happened to him? I'm always safety conscious, so I was thinking of all this horrible shit that can happen in these scenarios. I wanted to go grab my gun out of my car as we waited because of all the fucking weird shit that can happen to people in these situations.Thankfully his mom showed up, but still...what if she hadn't showed up? He can't walk home, that would have taken him all night, literally! And in the rain in winter time no less?! Again, my boss is a fucking asshole!
__________________________________________________
I have my English final tomorrow. I plan on studying more of her weird grammar shite beforehand because that's all the test will consist of. She says it will be 100 questions and they'll be fairly simple but I really had a hard time with her last quiz of strange writing mistakes. Shit like "dangling modifiers" and all. Now, I can actually identify a "dangling modifier" fairly well but that's just a random example of the mistakes that will be on the final. As for math, I got 106% on the final and a 104% for the semester. I was able to get over 100% because I got bonus questions right on each test and they really helped boost my grade.
_______________________________________________
Some guy at work decided he'd smart off to me in reference to a supposed grammatical error I made when speaking and it pissed me off because this guy is a dumb ass.
A girl asked him to do a task which pertained to his job and he asked, "What if I refuse?" to which she replied nothing.
I then spoke up for her and commented, "Then you will be hanged."
He announced (over the store's walkie-talkie system) "Amanda needs to learn correct punctuation!"
My brain nearly exploded.
I took the liberty of getting on our walkies and correcting his dumb ass by telling him that first off, it's "grammar" not "punctuation" because punctuation is in reference to the marks and characters that we use in writing, not speaking. I then went on to tell him that the rule of thumb in using "hanged and hung" is simply this: if it is in reference to an object in past tense, it will be "hung" but if you are referring to a person who was executed by hanging, then the correct grammar is "hanged".
He then admitted that he was stupid because he felt sheepish to which I replied that he shouldn't try to correct people if that was the case.
"Dude, I was only joking..." he then said and his face turned very serious. He almost looked hurt.
I smiled and reassured him I was only poking fun at him back, "tit for tat" I said.
Still though... I really mean it. Don't go talking shit about others and their supposed lack of intelligence if you yourself are going to later admit that you are stupid and aren't in any place to correct them. It irks me when people do that.
_________________________________________________
I also recently discovered why I don't enjoy most storytelling form the first person perspective:
Most storytelling is done to fluff up the ego of the storyteller or to pamper the vanity of the speaker.
As I listened to talk radio today on my way to the store, I was just tickled pink with whatever speaker was talking to this live audience from New York's city hall. He was apparently a writer of some kind and had a cheery voice, raspy with age and full of personality. I enjoyed his accounts of his boyhood encounters and all the funny, witty lines he threw in as he told his stories. I was giggling behind the wheel and thought of what a delightful person he might be and just how very rare he is. I then examined WHY I wouldn't like most stories told from a similar perspective - because most stories aren't humble like his stories. Most are vain and somehow lead back to giving the listener the impression that the speaker is admirable in some fashion. It's one reason I can't stand most comedians' stand up performances. Most are just so, soooooooooo arrogant! I cannot stand most stand up comedians because their vanity just oozes forth. I love Ellen Degeneres though. Why? Because she's humble as hell! She appears actually awkward on stage at times and extremely humble. I thought about how most comedy is just storytelling from an amusing perspective. How we choose to portray ourselves and others in those stories actually tells quite a bit about us.
Like I said, most are simply vain.
I hate vanity. Vanity sucks.
Vain people suck.
_______________________________________________
And through all my maddening day at work today, I simply repeated the first line of Desiderata:
"Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence."
Goodnight world.
Oh my God
That shit sucks!
My quads are more sore than they have ever been in my life!
This woman...this evil instructor woman in the video had me do a gazillion squat variations. Now, you should know that I hate squats. I'm quite stout actually, and I'm not limber at all. My balance is poor and I don't have a really lanky body. In other words, I'm kind of heavy for my height. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a total fat ass! most are shocked when I actually tell them my weight to the actual pound. Doing these balancing exercises means it requires just a little more effort from me than it would from a slightly lighter person of my height. This resulted in pain - TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE PAIN!
I've been waddling all day whenever I need to walk and everyone on staff at work was asking "What's wrong?" because I appear to be limping. All I can say is that I am very glad I do not have to walk all over the sales floor any more.
_______________________________________
On another note, I am obviously feeling better since I am able to work out. My cold is not completely gone, but it is not nearly as bad as it was a week ago! I can finally breathe through my nose once more and my taste/smell has fully returned. It did eventually turn into a chest cold, but I never stopped popping vitamin C tablets and I made sure to keep up the humidifier and steam vapor treatments. Glad I didn't have to drink whiskey too much because that shit is disgusting.
In regards to my mother, I'm still bummed about the situation. I have to update the rest of my family on the latest developments and I just don't want to do that. It's annoying because she leaves it up to me to tell my grandma and sister when she decides to go a different route in her major decision making. I have to get her 2 more gifts for Christmas and I can pretty much call my Christmas shopping complete.
Now, today I went and had lunch with Ray's parents and grandma before I went to work. His grandma doesn't speak a word of English so the only thing I can ever do is smile at her and nod my head/bow a little. His parents are just so so so so soooooo intimidating! His mom looks like she'll burn holes through me but she always acts nice. It's just so weird! I know they are at least "OK" with me being Ray's girlfriend, but they talk shit about me behind my back. They always bug Ray about how he should be with an Asian female. They wouldn't really care what race of Asian, just you know...any kind of Asian. Well shit, I wish I were Asian too but that really isn't happening so I hope they can learn to live with that. His mom always says something about how I should eat more also. I just can't eat much around them because they make me so nervous.
When I had dinner with them like 2 or so years ago, one of Ray's sisters leaned over and whispered to me, "Pssst...hey...knowing how judgmental my parents are, I'd advise you to at least put some rice on your plate and pick at it or something..." That's basically how they are.
"You no want to eat more? You hardly eat anything," his mom commented to me today.
I just smiled and assured her that I was indeed full because I had put plenty of food on my plate from the buffet. They were treating us to a buffet from the Horseshoe Casino in my city. This casino/hotel is fancy as hell and they're high rollers in the dealers' room.
Also, his mom didn't know that someone could major in English. Since she speaks choppy English, I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but it was still a bit odd to learn that someone living in America for like 30 years could not be aware of this. It came up during conversation when I just randomly told them I was considering majoring in English. While this isn't entirely true (the thought just kind of popped in my head when we were discussing my classes) I told them this to kind of get them to believe I have some direction in life. In reality, I have no direction other than that which inspires me and the motivation to constantly seek out a higher knowledge. I want to become greater. I want to become smarter. I want to become more well rounded and dive into other cultures and beliefs. I want to just go swim in a sea of knowledge, art and philosophy! eerrr.... but yes, I didn't want to spew this crap to them, so I simply said, "Yeah I'm considering majoring in English..."
________________________________________________
My boss is also an asshole.
This mother fucker was going to leave an 18 year old boy in the freezing winter rain without a ride last night around 1 AM.
A guy named Warren works at my store and he doesn't have a car so his mom picks him up. His ride wasn't there when we were closing the store at 1 in the morning and it was fucking freezing outside with the misty rain just gently, steadily falling. I told my manager Jason that we should all wait inside until his ride shows up. Jason looked at me: "We're locking up," he said.
"But Warren is still waiting outside..."
"Oh he'll be fine."
"But we can't just LEAVE him there!"
Then Warren assured us that it was ok and that he didn't want to be a bother.
Jason took me aside inside the building and said, "Heck yeah I'll leave him here. I want to go home!"
I asked him, "But isn't it policy not to leave anyone behind?"
"Well I think once they're out of the building that they're on their own.." Jason argued back.
I grabbed my shit, clocked out and waited outside for Jason. Whenever he came out of the building, I looked at Warren as all three of us stood on the sidewalk and announced, "Warren I'm waiting with you dude. I don't believe it's right for me to leave you alone here at 1 AM without a ride. I'll wait with you until your ride shows up."
Jason just looked at me with this pissed off look...
He knew that if he left both me and him there that he would just look like a complete asshole, especially after what I'd just said.
Again, Warren argued that he was fine there by himself but I told him that there was no guarantee that his mother would be there. "What if something happens and she can't make it?" I asked.
So we waited...in the fucking freezing winter rain at 1 AM...because my boss is a selfish asshole with no fucking morals. What if something had happened to him? I'm always safety conscious, so I was thinking of all this horrible shit that can happen in these scenarios. I wanted to go grab my gun out of my car as we waited because of all the fucking weird shit that can happen to people in these situations.Thankfully his mom showed up, but still...what if she hadn't showed up? He can't walk home, that would have taken him all night, literally! And in the rain in winter time no less?! Again, my boss is a fucking asshole!
__________________________________________________
I have my English final tomorrow. I plan on studying more of her weird grammar shite beforehand because that's all the test will consist of. She says it will be 100 questions and they'll be fairly simple but I really had a hard time with her last quiz of strange writing mistakes. Shit like "dangling modifiers" and all. Now, I can actually identify a "dangling modifier" fairly well but that's just a random example of the mistakes that will be on the final. As for math, I got 106% on the final and a 104% for the semester. I was able to get over 100% because I got bonus questions right on each test and they really helped boost my grade.
_______________________________________________
Some guy at work decided he'd smart off to me in reference to a supposed grammatical error I made when speaking and it pissed me off because this guy is a dumb ass.
A girl asked him to do a task which pertained to his job and he asked, "What if I refuse?" to which she replied nothing.
I then spoke up for her and commented, "Then you will be hanged."
He announced (over the store's walkie-talkie system) "Amanda needs to learn correct punctuation!"
My brain nearly exploded.
I took the liberty of getting on our walkies and correcting his dumb ass by telling him that first off, it's "grammar" not "punctuation" because punctuation is in reference to the marks and characters that we use in writing, not speaking. I then went on to tell him that the rule of thumb in using "hanged and hung" is simply this: if it is in reference to an object in past tense, it will be "hung" but if you are referring to a person who was executed by hanging, then the correct grammar is "hanged".
He then admitted that he was stupid because he felt sheepish to which I replied that he shouldn't try to correct people if that was the case.
"Dude, I was only joking..." he then said and his face turned very serious. He almost looked hurt.
I smiled and reassured him I was only poking fun at him back, "tit for tat" I said.
Still though... I really mean it. Don't go talking shit about others and their supposed lack of intelligence if you yourself are going to later admit that you are stupid and aren't in any place to correct them. It irks me when people do that.
_________________________________________________
I also recently discovered why I don't enjoy most storytelling form the first person perspective:
Most storytelling is done to fluff up the ego of the storyteller or to pamper the vanity of the speaker.
As I listened to talk radio today on my way to the store, I was just tickled pink with whatever speaker was talking to this live audience from New York's city hall. He was apparently a writer of some kind and had a cheery voice, raspy with age and full of personality. I enjoyed his accounts of his boyhood encounters and all the funny, witty lines he threw in as he told his stories. I was giggling behind the wheel and thought of what a delightful person he might be and just how very rare he is. I then examined WHY I wouldn't like most stories told from a similar perspective - because most stories aren't humble like his stories. Most are vain and somehow lead back to giving the listener the impression that the speaker is admirable in some fashion. It's one reason I can't stand most comedians' stand up performances. Most are just so, soooooooooo arrogant! I cannot stand most stand up comedians because their vanity just oozes forth. I love Ellen Degeneres though. Why? Because she's humble as hell! She appears actually awkward on stage at times and extremely humble. I thought about how most comedy is just storytelling from an amusing perspective. How we choose to portray ourselves and others in those stories actually tells quite a bit about us.
Like I said, most are simply vain.
I hate vanity. Vanity sucks.
Vain people suck.
_______________________________________________
And through all my maddening day at work today, I simply repeated the first line of Desiderata:
"Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence."
Goodnight world.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Random picture
Here.
Have a picture
*shrugs*
No reason...
I was at an anime convention in a hotel with my luggage. Ray took the pic. I keep my badges as keepsakes. Meh
Have a picture
*shrugs*
No reason...
I was at an anime convention in a hotel with my luggage. Ray took the pic. I keep my badges as keepsakes. Meh
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Ugh
Second blog entry for today.
I should be studying but instead I'm just sitting here driving myself insane. When I become restless and weary over something, I just can't get my mind off of it and it drives me up the wall. I have a few things weighing on my mind.
First off, I'll just say I'm fucking depressed. Yes, yes. I get this way sometimes and it sucks ass. I feel so unbalanced. When I get like this, sometimes I can push through it with sheer willpower and say, "Fuck you emotions, I won't let you get the better of me!" and I still do what needs to be accomplished.
However, there are times when it does overcome me and I just give in and sit here. Sometimes I'll just sit in a spot and do nothing, having lost all motivation to do shit. I mean this literally. I won't do a fucking thing, I'll just stare at the wall. I'll neglect everything. There's no excuse for it, I really am not trying to imply that such immature behavior is excusable. It's not. I'm just an idiot sometimes.
I hate my family and how it's just in pieces. I got kind of lonely this afternoon. Fuck, I don't usually get lonely...it's such an odd feeling. I only feel like I need myself and no one else so if I feel loneliness, it's just so strange. It was brought on by talking to my mom on the phone...
My mom left the other day. She and I got into it again. We had another confrontation where I reminded her of just how burdensome I feel with having to be her caretaker.
She told me she just doesn't think she can get off of the loratabs entirely. I told her (again) I didn't think it was good for her. She told me (again) that my aunt will support her habit to which I replied (yet, AGAIN!) that having such an arrangement conflicted with my morals. How would you feel having your mother cry and look at you with such tears in her eyes asking you for medication? Then you feel worse by telling her "NO!" for her own good even though you know you could make the pain go away. I told her the conflict really ate away at me and that I was very torn up about the whole thing.
Then my old feelings resurfaced again, yes by God they did. I told her that every time she asked for anything and every time she and I got into it about her medication my anger boiled up inside me over the things she did/did to me as a child. I told her I was just so damned resentful. All I could do was remember all her fucked up mistakes as a parent and how they'd lead her to where she currently is. It makes me angry, FUCKING ANGRY that she is so reliant upon me. It'd be different if I had to support her because she was disabled by an accident or because she was handicapped by some random reason of fortune. But no, this was all by her own doing and I hate it.
I told her I look at all my peers and how they are free of such burdens and that it does make me a bit jealous. I missed out on so many chances and now I am trying to better myself. Even my co-workers who are 30 and 40 years old have parents that are still independent. Why? Why at the age of 24 am I already having to deal with this shit immediately after a troubled adolescence? After I got my G.E.D., I immediately went to working for my family because my father died and my mom went even more psycho. Fuck .... I told her I wished she could be an adult for once and that I felt I was babysitting. I expressed how bitter I was about the whole thing and that I wish I could just be like other young people and focus on college because I want to better myself.
She thought on all this and asked, "Am I really that much of a burden?"
Oh, my heart sank.
I guess I'm not completely immune to her pleas for compassion after all. I'm not completely without sympathy regarding this woman who made my life so hard, even now.
I told her I hate to use the word "burden" but that I did indeed feel weighed down by circumstances.
"Well then, I'll just move in with Aunt Linda," she said.
I just reminded her that my Aunt Linda is just nuts and that it never worked out in the past. She reassured me that she could grow up a bit if it was for my sake and benefit.
"I've held you back long enough. I did it before and I don't want to do it again. You want to get your life in order and make something of yourself and you deserve that."
She sounded so amazingly calm and sound in her decision when she was telling me all of this that I could only feel like an asshole. All of a sudden, a part of me didn't want her to move out. I don't mean just my logic didn't want her out of my home, but my emotions didn't either.
So I cried.
This shit is hard for me to cope with and I don't cry often these days. For the past two years or so, I've probably cried only a couple of times.
But tonight I cried.
I spoke to my mom on the phone and asked how she was doing. She sounded upbeat and I was glad to hear that.
Still...
I made up her room so nice the last time she was here. I made it cozy and all and moved my old bed into it that I'd had locked up in storage. I even hung the picture of Jesus which I'd gotten for her last Christmas up on her wall above the nightstand I'd bought her. I went in there searching for something last night and it felt so damned empty. Some of her belongings are still in there but she's not. But I can't STAND the woman! So why do I now want her back in my home? I wish I could help her, fuck I want to but I don't know how I can...
I asked her if she's coming home for Christmas and she said she would "of course!".
I then realized just how far I feel from having a family. I then thought of how many people I know who have close families. Well, not me - mom's crazy and back and forth between my home and others' homes, dad's dead, sister got the hell out of dodge and my extended family is seldom heard from. I only see them around holidays anyhow. For so long I've just thought, "OK so other people have close families - that's nice, whatever. I don't need that though..."
And you know, I really don't need it, but I do imagine it must be nice.
I want to visit my sister and her family up north maybe during Spring Break next year. We'll see. I miss those assholes.
I felt loneliness like I'd not felt it in a long time. I guess it's because it's the holidays and all I can think about is work and school finals. The details in between such as my mom are not helping.
I guess this is a self pity blog, I don't know.
I wonder what it's like to actually have a family that you can count on and that you know isn't going anywhere. I wonder what it's like to actually live in a household that doesn't change. I remember that I lived in 9 places one particular year of my life. I think it was 1999. My life changed constantly without a single ounce of stability and so I changed with it to adapt. It was dizzying and I now see it in hindsight thinking how I should have responded this or that way to adversity. My family was never consistent or stable and for ONCE in my life I want to experience that. It's way too late though - I'll never experience that unless I start a family of my own and that damn sure isn't happening.
And so it goes, I'll simply try to find a balance on my own like always. Just like it's always been. Always will be. I feel like "me against the world" or some shit...it's this familiar feeling like, "Oh I've been here before."
I feel like a lousy daughter who should call up her mother and reassure her that she can handle the weight of the burden. I wish she could have a place to call "home". But why...why do I care. I should forget about her after all her shit. She's just nuts. I guess I just want a mom - any mom. Fuck, I don't know.
I'm just...depressed.
I'm going to sleep.
I should be studying but instead I'm just sitting here driving myself insane. When I become restless and weary over something, I just can't get my mind off of it and it drives me up the wall. I have a few things weighing on my mind.
First off, I'll just say I'm fucking depressed. Yes, yes. I get this way sometimes and it sucks ass. I feel so unbalanced. When I get like this, sometimes I can push through it with sheer willpower and say, "Fuck you emotions, I won't let you get the better of me!" and I still do what needs to be accomplished.
However, there are times when it does overcome me and I just give in and sit here. Sometimes I'll just sit in a spot and do nothing, having lost all motivation to do shit. I mean this literally. I won't do a fucking thing, I'll just stare at the wall. I'll neglect everything. There's no excuse for it, I really am not trying to imply that such immature behavior is excusable. It's not. I'm just an idiot sometimes.
I hate my family and how it's just in pieces. I got kind of lonely this afternoon. Fuck, I don't usually get lonely...it's such an odd feeling. I only feel like I need myself and no one else so if I feel loneliness, it's just so strange. It was brought on by talking to my mom on the phone...
My mom left the other day. She and I got into it again. We had another confrontation where I reminded her of just how burdensome I feel with having to be her caretaker.
She told me she just doesn't think she can get off of the loratabs entirely. I told her (again) I didn't think it was good for her. She told me (again) that my aunt will support her habit to which I replied (yet, AGAIN!) that having such an arrangement conflicted with my morals. How would you feel having your mother cry and look at you with such tears in her eyes asking you for medication? Then you feel worse by telling her "NO!" for her own good even though you know you could make the pain go away. I told her the conflict really ate away at me and that I was very torn up about the whole thing.
Then my old feelings resurfaced again, yes by God they did. I told her that every time she asked for anything and every time she and I got into it about her medication my anger boiled up inside me over the things she did/did to me as a child. I told her I was just so damned resentful. All I could do was remember all her fucked up mistakes as a parent and how they'd lead her to where she currently is. It makes me angry, FUCKING ANGRY that she is so reliant upon me. It'd be different if I had to support her because she was disabled by an accident or because she was handicapped by some random reason of fortune. But no, this was all by her own doing and I hate it.
I told her I look at all my peers and how they are free of such burdens and that it does make me a bit jealous. I missed out on so many chances and now I am trying to better myself. Even my co-workers who are 30 and 40 years old have parents that are still independent. Why? Why at the age of 24 am I already having to deal with this shit immediately after a troubled adolescence? After I got my G.E.D., I immediately went to working for my family because my father died and my mom went even more psycho. Fuck .... I told her I wished she could be an adult for once and that I felt I was babysitting. I expressed how bitter I was about the whole thing and that I wish I could just be like other young people and focus on college because I want to better myself.
She thought on all this and asked, "Am I really that much of a burden?"
Oh, my heart sank.
I guess I'm not completely immune to her pleas for compassion after all. I'm not completely without sympathy regarding this woman who made my life so hard, even now.
I told her I hate to use the word "burden" but that I did indeed feel weighed down by circumstances.
"Well then, I'll just move in with Aunt Linda," she said.
I just reminded her that my Aunt Linda is just nuts and that it never worked out in the past. She reassured me that she could grow up a bit if it was for my sake and benefit.
"I've held you back long enough. I did it before and I don't want to do it again. You want to get your life in order and make something of yourself and you deserve that."
She sounded so amazingly calm and sound in her decision when she was telling me all of this that I could only feel like an asshole. All of a sudden, a part of me didn't want her to move out. I don't mean just my logic didn't want her out of my home, but my emotions didn't either.
So I cried.
This shit is hard for me to cope with and I don't cry often these days. For the past two years or so, I've probably cried only a couple of times.
But tonight I cried.
I spoke to my mom on the phone and asked how she was doing. She sounded upbeat and I was glad to hear that.
Still...
I made up her room so nice the last time she was here. I made it cozy and all and moved my old bed into it that I'd had locked up in storage. I even hung the picture of Jesus which I'd gotten for her last Christmas up on her wall above the nightstand I'd bought her. I went in there searching for something last night and it felt so damned empty. Some of her belongings are still in there but she's not. But I can't STAND the woman! So why do I now want her back in my home? I wish I could help her, fuck I want to but I don't know how I can...
I asked her if she's coming home for Christmas and she said she would "of course!".
I then realized just how far I feel from having a family. I then thought of how many people I know who have close families. Well, not me - mom's crazy and back and forth between my home and others' homes, dad's dead, sister got the hell out of dodge and my extended family is seldom heard from. I only see them around holidays anyhow. For so long I've just thought, "OK so other people have close families - that's nice, whatever. I don't need that though..."
And you know, I really don't need it, but I do imagine it must be nice.
I want to visit my sister and her family up north maybe during Spring Break next year. We'll see. I miss those assholes.
I felt loneliness like I'd not felt it in a long time. I guess it's because it's the holidays and all I can think about is work and school finals. The details in between such as my mom are not helping.
I guess this is a self pity blog, I don't know.
I wonder what it's like to actually have a family that you can count on and that you know isn't going anywhere. I wonder what it's like to actually live in a household that doesn't change. I remember that I lived in 9 places one particular year of my life. I think it was 1999. My life changed constantly without a single ounce of stability and so I changed with it to adapt. It was dizzying and I now see it in hindsight thinking how I should have responded this or that way to adversity. My family was never consistent or stable and for ONCE in my life I want to experience that. It's way too late though - I'll never experience that unless I start a family of my own and that damn sure isn't happening.
And so it goes, I'll simply try to find a balance on my own like always. Just like it's always been. Always will be. I feel like "me against the world" or some shit...it's this familiar feeling like, "Oh I've been here before."
I feel like a lousy daughter who should call up her mother and reassure her that she can handle the weight of the burden. I wish she could have a place to call "home". But why...why do I care. I should forget about her after all her shit. She's just nuts. I guess I just want a mom - any mom. Fuck, I don't know.
I'm just...depressed.
I'm going to sleep.
Stores
Just a brief blog entry. I just wanted to say that I hate clothing stores.
Clothing is such a minor material item that I don't give a damn about, really.
Borders Bookstore in the mall by my house is closing and I'm pissed off about it. It's one of the few stores in the mall that isn't dedicated to shoes, clothing or other small items to accessorize yourself. It's one of the few stores that actually carries something worth while and they're closing. UGH! I hate the mall, seriously, I hate it. Nothing but clothes, clothes, CLOTHES!
Clothing is so overrated!
As long as it covers me (completely, by the way!) then it's fine with me. I'm really tired of seeing nonfunctional clothing like ripped up jeans, semi-transparent-extra-thin shirts, half jackets that don't even come down to your lower abdomen and dresses that allow your ass to hang out. The fewer the threads, the more it costs. Seems a little backwards to me...
Well, I'm off. Going to buy some books at 30% off since the book store is CLOSING!
I bet they'll replace it with another random clothing store filled with shitty, trendy crap.
Clothing is such a minor material item that I don't give a damn about, really.
Borders Bookstore in the mall by my house is closing and I'm pissed off about it. It's one of the few stores in the mall that isn't dedicated to shoes, clothing or other small items to accessorize yourself. It's one of the few stores that actually carries something worth while and they're closing. UGH! I hate the mall, seriously, I hate it. Nothing but clothes, clothes, CLOTHES!
Clothing is so overrated!
As long as it covers me (completely, by the way!) then it's fine with me. I'm really tired of seeing nonfunctional clothing like ripped up jeans, semi-transparent-extra-thin shirts, half jackets that don't even come down to your lower abdomen and dresses that allow your ass to hang out. The fewer the threads, the more it costs. Seems a little backwards to me...
Well, I'm off. Going to buy some books at 30% off since the book store is CLOSING!
I bet they'll replace it with another random clothing store filled with shitty, trendy crap.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Too Much Freedom
I think our country has too many freedoms.
Let me rephrase that: I think our country and culture put too much emphasis on "freedom".
Why do I say that?
Well, we use freedom and in doing so offend others. Those who are offended have the freedom to express their dislike and then we have many conflicting opinions.
This basic concept may not seem to be much of a problem to most, but take this issue and multiply its severity and then it becomes ridiculous - it becomes a lawsuit.
For example, since I have freedom of religion, I can express my views. However, someone may not like that and may counter my views with their own. A lawsuit can happen depending on the time and place where my views were expressed and the roles each of us were in at the time (i.e. if I am at my work - me being the employee, the other person being the customer, etc).
People who don't like something can easily say "Hey I don't like that!" and sue for no good reason. I guess they do have reasons, but none of them are good reasons. Then again, this is my offensive opinion, so who knows, maybe someone will sue me over this blog entry!
This is getting on my nerves more and more lately as I've been thinking about it quite a bit.
The other day, I was at work and they were playing Christmas music. Of course, it was not religious Christmas music (songs about winter, Santa Clause and presents, etc) but it was still Christmas music nonetheless.
I happen to enjoy Christmas songs and decorations so I asked my (bitchy) boss Laura, "Hey Laura, do you think I can put a Christmas tree on my desk? You know, maybe just a small one about 6 inches high or so?"
She said, "Oh, well, let me think. We (the other managers) really haven't gotten together to discuss how we're going to decorate. I don't think it'd be a problem, but we'll have to see. It will be a group decision."
I wanted to scream.
It's. Just. A. Fucking. Tree!
Jesus, it takes a panel of fucking judges to decide whether or not it's okay for me to have a 6" tree on my desk at work! For the record, only I would be able to see the thing. Customers couldn't see it unless they were on my side of my desk and, for security reasons, that never happens. I'd basically be the only one enjoying my little tree which only *I* could see.
Why won't they let me have a tree?
Because it falls under the category of "decoration for the store" and my desk is technically part of "the store". Decorations for the store around Christmas time are for the most part prohibited. One very Christian manager of mine rebelled against this and put bright red bows around the place, oooooooo!! They are prohibited because of one fear on behalf of the company: lawsuits.
Lawsuits, lawsuits, lawsuits... people are so lawsuit happy.
So much emphasis is put on our freedom of expression that we are now more focused on ANTI-expression, if that makes sense.
Let me see if I can explain it...
Anti expressionism is, in itself, expressionism!
We are so focused on "Hey your expressionism offends me" that our anti-expressionism has become our identity.
It's sort of like the video I saw the other day on Youtube entitled "Aggressive Atheism" which I thought was COMPLETELY retarded! Isn't Atheism the lack of belief in higher powers? To have an aggressive foundation of nothingness sounds so oxymoronic!
It's also sort of like the guy who bitched and moaned about "Under God" in our pledge of allegiance to our national flag. He stated it conflicted with separation of church and state and he didn't want his daughter exposed to that. Well, I will note that I actually LIKE the combination of church and state like European nations have, but whatever. Anyhow, I think that by having "under God" taken out actually tramples on my freedom of expression as well, you see. Here is the problem: I like it, he doesn't. Who is morally right in this war?
Duh, neither are "right" or "wrong". We all just have different opinions. However, people want to fucking sue over this dumb shit.
At my work, I can't tell someone "Merry Christmas" even if I see them sporting a freaking "I love Jesus!" tattoo on their forehead. Naturally, I've never seen a freak like that in my lifetime, but this is hypothetical of course. I can't wish people a Merry Christmas because of the lawsuit possibility. I can't say "God bless you" if someone sneezes because of the possibility of a lawsuit. Instead, I have to say "Happy Holidays" and "Bless you" (as if I'm Jesus!).
The other day, I was at a convention. A guy at a vendor booth wished someone a "merry Christmas" and the customer said, "Thank you for not being afraid to tell me Merry Christmas sir."
I went up to the vendor and began to speak with him on this topic.
"You know, I can't have a Christmas tree on my desk because of the lawsuit possibility at work," I told him.
"Well you know what you should do?" he asked. "You should put a little red devil on your desk and name it Mohammad and put an Arab headband on it and no one will say a thing!"
I was really shocked at how true this man's point was.
By God, he's right!
I can put a fucking SATAN doll on my desk and no one will complain. After all, I have "freedom of expression" even if I am a satanic bastard.
However, if I put a baby Jesus, a star of David, or a little golden Buddha on my desk, that would be offensive!
If I am more among the minority of religions, however, I am given the right to expression and even defended in my right to be...oh, I don't know, a wiccan for example maybe? My minority views and opinions are seen as something I have the freedom to express or else I could complain they were taking away my "freedom".
If I'm a Christian, however, I must watch my back because some idiot will say I'm offending them.
If you're not a Christian, that's fine an dandy, I don't CARE! Whatever!
A guy at work said the other day that last year they wouldn't let them decorate and I just said that was no surprise. I was a bit shocked to learn that his only request was for fake snow by the customer service counter. FAKE SNOW! Holy crap people, I don't think people are going to sue over artificial weather inside the store! Get the fuck over it. My GM is just so damned afraid of us being sued.
People sue over dumb shit.
People sue for money, mostly. However, some sue for other reasons: attention/publicity, to prove a point or perhaps just to be an asshole. Rarely is it actually over an injustice these days.
Our legal system is retarded too in how we try to find loops holes and read between lines. Recently, a new case came up in Florida where they are asking for the Miranda rights to be rewritten. Now, if you don't know the origins of the Miranda rights, I'll give a brief history lesson courtesy of this webpage.
When the Supreme Court made its landmark Miranda ruling in 1966, Ernesto Miranda's conviction was overturned. Prosecutors later retried the case, using evidence other than his confession, and he was convicted again. Miranda served 11 years in prison and was paroled in 1972.
This bastard was guilty, but his lawyers insisted "our client didn't know he could remain silent and not confess". Well, since he was guilty of the crime, his "right to remain" silent can eat shit.
of course I like that we have the right to not self-incriminate, but STILL...STILL....the Miranda rights' origins are actually pretty shitty! The rights themselves are good (they're derived from the Constitution obviously) but their origin from this case in Arizona actually sucks!
__________________________________________________________
And so enters this news story that I read recently:
By JESSE J. HOLLAND, Associated Press Writer Jesse J. Holland, Associated Press Writer – Mon Dec 7, 4:59 pm ET
WASHINGTON – The Supreme Court on Monday seemed headed toward telling police they must explicitly advise criminal suspects that their lawyer can be present during any interrogation.
The arguments in front of the justices were the latest over how explicit the Miranda warning rights have to be, as justices debated whether the warnings police gave Kevin Dwayne Powell made clear to him that he could have a lawyer present while being interrogated by police.
Powell was convicted of illegally possessing a firearm after telling police he bought the weapon "off the street" for $150 for his protection. Before his confession, Powell signed a Miranda statement that included the statements "You have the right to talk to a lawyer before answering any of our questions. If you cannot afford to hire a lawyer, one will be appointed for you without cost and before any questioning. You have the right to use any of these rights at any time you want during this interview."
The Florida Supreme Court overturned the conviction on grounds the Tampa police didn't adequately convey to Powell that he was allowed to have a lawyer with him during questioning.
Joseph W. Jacquot, Florida deputy attorney general, argued that the warning given Powell "expresses all the rights required under Miranda."
Justice Stephen Breyer clearly disagreed.
"Aren't you supposed to tell this person, that unlike a grand jury, you have a right to have the lawyer with you during interrogation?" Breyer said. "I mean, it isn't as if that was said in passing in Miranda. They wrote eight paragraphs about it. And I just wonder, where does it say in this warning, you have the right to have the lawyer with you during the interrogation?"
Different courts have came down on different sides on what exactly should be said, Justice Sonia Sotomayor said.
"We've got a split of circuit courts and state courts on whether this reasonably conveys or not. Shouldn't that be enough of an ambiguity for us to conclude it can't reasonably convey, if there's this many courts holding that it doesn't?" Justice Sonia Sotomayor said.
Powell's lawyer, Deborah K. Brueckheimer, said that the warning Powell was given from Tampa, Fla., police gave him the impression that "once questioning starts, that he has no right to consult with a lawyer anymore, and it certainly doesn't tell him that he has the right to the presence of an attorney with him in an interrogation room, where the coercion takes on a highly new meaning."
Justice Scalia called Brueckheimer's argument "angels dancing on the head of a pin."
"You are saying, 'Oh, if he had only known. Oh, if I knew that I could have an attorney present during the interview, well, that would have been a different kettle of fish and I would never have confessed,'" Scalia said. "I mean, doesn't that seem to you quite fantastic?"
Miranda rights have been litigated since they first came into being in 1966. The courts require police to tell suspects they have the right to remain silent and the right to have a lawyer represent them, even if they can't afford one. But those requirements likely will continue to be parsed by lawyers and judges.
For example, Justice Samuel Alito pointed out that most police start off Miranda rights by saying "You have the right to remain silent." But, Alito said, what happens if someone begins talking to the police and then decides that they want to be silent?
"Once you break your silence, there is nothing in there that says you have the right to resume your silence," Alito said.
"We could write that down. It could be the next case," Justice Anthony Kennedy said to laughter.
This is the third Miranda case the court has heard this year. The justices heard arguments earlier over whether officers can interrogate a suspect who said he understood his rights but didn't invoke them, and whether a request for a lawyer during interrogation can expire after a lengthy period of time.
Decisions in all three cases are expected next year.
The case argued Monday is Florida v. Powell, 08-1175.
_____________________________________________________
Now, this article displays our stupidity. Asshole criminals and their asshole lawyers look for little loopholes like these. Little nitpicks and technicalities let our criminals walk all too often because a judge agrees, "Well, you know, technically you're right...it really DOESN'T state that little common sense thought which I know you truly understood. You're dismissed because I don't have proof you understood it correctly." We cater to stupidity! If our criminals are too stupid to understand something, they still broke the law nonetheless and that is their shortcoming, not the law's.
The worst line in this article which proves what I just said?
This:
"Once you break your silence, there is nothing in there that says you have the right to resume your silence," Alito said.
Well....no fucking shit asshole.
Do we really NEED to say "Hey you can start or stop talking at any time, it's up to you entirely. Just know that if you do say something, it just might make you look guilty and I might bring that up to the judge if you confess to doing some criminal shit so bear that in mind as I encourage you to slip through the fingers of our legal system"
Looking for little nitpicks and shit only displays how freedom on steroids is a bad idea. Lawsuit happy people should all be put into a room with these same criminals who have slipped through our fingers and I'll simply blow them all up with dynamite.
THERE.
Problem solved.
Let me rephrase that: I think our country and culture put too much emphasis on "freedom".
Why do I say that?
Well, we use freedom and in doing so offend others. Those who are offended have the freedom to express their dislike and then we have many conflicting opinions.
This basic concept may not seem to be much of a problem to most, but take this issue and multiply its severity and then it becomes ridiculous - it becomes a lawsuit.
For example, since I have freedom of religion, I can express my views. However, someone may not like that and may counter my views with their own. A lawsuit can happen depending on the time and place where my views were expressed and the roles each of us were in at the time (i.e. if I am at my work - me being the employee, the other person being the customer, etc).
People who don't like something can easily say "Hey I don't like that!" and sue for no good reason. I guess they do have reasons, but none of them are good reasons. Then again, this is my offensive opinion, so who knows, maybe someone will sue me over this blog entry!
This is getting on my nerves more and more lately as I've been thinking about it quite a bit.
The other day, I was at work and they were playing Christmas music. Of course, it was not religious Christmas music (songs about winter, Santa Clause and presents, etc) but it was still Christmas music nonetheless.
I happen to enjoy Christmas songs and decorations so I asked my (bitchy) boss Laura, "Hey Laura, do you think I can put a Christmas tree on my desk? You know, maybe just a small one about 6 inches high or so?"
She said, "Oh, well, let me think. We (the other managers) really haven't gotten together to discuss how we're going to decorate. I don't think it'd be a problem, but we'll have to see. It will be a group decision."
I wanted to scream.
It's. Just. A. Fucking. Tree!
Jesus, it takes a panel of fucking judges to decide whether or not it's okay for me to have a 6" tree on my desk at work! For the record, only I would be able to see the thing. Customers couldn't see it unless they were on my side of my desk and, for security reasons, that never happens. I'd basically be the only one enjoying my little tree which only *I* could see.
Why won't they let me have a tree?
Because it falls under the category of "decoration for the store" and my desk is technically part of "the store". Decorations for the store around Christmas time are for the most part prohibited. One very Christian manager of mine rebelled against this and put bright red bows around the place, oooooooo!! They are prohibited because of one fear on behalf of the company: lawsuits.
Lawsuits, lawsuits, lawsuits... people are so lawsuit happy.
So much emphasis is put on our freedom of expression that we are now more focused on ANTI-expression, if that makes sense.
Let me see if I can explain it...
Anti expressionism is, in itself, expressionism!
We are so focused on "Hey your expressionism offends me" that our anti-expressionism has become our identity.
It's sort of like the video I saw the other day on Youtube entitled "Aggressive Atheism" which I thought was COMPLETELY retarded! Isn't Atheism the lack of belief in higher powers? To have an aggressive foundation of nothingness sounds so oxymoronic!
It's also sort of like the guy who bitched and moaned about "Under God" in our pledge of allegiance to our national flag. He stated it conflicted with separation of church and state and he didn't want his daughter exposed to that. Well, I will note that I actually LIKE the combination of church and state like European nations have, but whatever. Anyhow, I think that by having "under God" taken out actually tramples on my freedom of expression as well, you see. Here is the problem: I like it, he doesn't. Who is morally right in this war?
Duh, neither are "right" or "wrong". We all just have different opinions. However, people want to fucking sue over this dumb shit.
At my work, I can't tell someone "Merry Christmas" even if I see them sporting a freaking "I love Jesus!" tattoo on their forehead. Naturally, I've never seen a freak like that in my lifetime, but this is hypothetical of course. I can't wish people a Merry Christmas because of the lawsuit possibility. I can't say "God bless you" if someone sneezes because of the possibility of a lawsuit. Instead, I have to say "Happy Holidays" and "Bless you" (as if I'm Jesus!).
The other day, I was at a convention. A guy at a vendor booth wished someone a "merry Christmas" and the customer said, "Thank you for not being afraid to tell me Merry Christmas sir."
I went up to the vendor and began to speak with him on this topic.
"You know, I can't have a Christmas tree on my desk because of the lawsuit possibility at work," I told him.
"Well you know what you should do?" he asked. "You should put a little red devil on your desk and name it Mohammad and put an Arab headband on it and no one will say a thing!"
I was really shocked at how true this man's point was.
By God, he's right!
I can put a fucking SATAN doll on my desk and no one will complain. After all, I have "freedom of expression" even if I am a satanic bastard.
However, if I put a baby Jesus, a star of David, or a little golden Buddha on my desk, that would be offensive!
If I am more among the minority of religions, however, I am given the right to expression and even defended in my right to be...oh, I don't know, a wiccan for example maybe? My minority views and opinions are seen as something I have the freedom to express or else I could complain they were taking away my "freedom".
If I'm a Christian, however, I must watch my back because some idiot will say I'm offending them.
If you're not a Christian, that's fine an dandy, I don't CARE! Whatever!
A guy at work said the other day that last year they wouldn't let them decorate and I just said that was no surprise. I was a bit shocked to learn that his only request was for fake snow by the customer service counter. FAKE SNOW! Holy crap people, I don't think people are going to sue over artificial weather inside the store! Get the fuck over it. My GM is just so damned afraid of us being sued.
People sue over dumb shit.
People sue for money, mostly. However, some sue for other reasons: attention/publicity, to prove a point or perhaps just to be an asshole. Rarely is it actually over an injustice these days.
Our legal system is retarded too in how we try to find loops holes and read between lines. Recently, a new case came up in Florida where they are asking for the Miranda rights to be rewritten. Now, if you don't know the origins of the Miranda rights, I'll give a brief history lesson courtesy of this webpage.
Miranda v. Arizona
The case that brought about the eventual Miranda rights ruling, involved Ernesto Miranda of Phoenix, Arizona. In 1963, Miranda was arrested for the armed robbery of a bank worker. While in custody of police, Miranda -- who had a record for armed robbery, attempted rape, assault and burglary -- signed a written confession to the armed robbery. He also confessed to kidnapping and raping an 18-year-old girl 11 days prior to the robbery.
Miranda was convicted of the armed robbery, but his attorneys appealed the case on the grounds that Miranda did not understand that he had the right against self-incrimination.
Ironic End for Miranda
At age 34, Ernesto Miranda was stabbed and killed in a 1976 bar fight. A suspect was arrested in Miranda's stabbing, but exercised his right to remain silent.
He was released without being charged.
This bastard was guilty, but his lawyers insisted "our client didn't know he could remain silent and not confess". Well, since he was guilty of the crime, his "right to remain" silent can eat shit.
of course I like that we have the right to not self-incriminate, but STILL...STILL....the Miranda rights' origins are actually pretty shitty! The rights themselves are good (they're derived from the Constitution obviously) but their origin from this case in Arizona actually sucks!
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And so enters this news story that I read recently:
By JESSE J. HOLLAND, Associated Press Writer Jesse J. Holland, Associated Press Writer – Mon Dec 7, 4:59 pm ET
WASHINGTON – The Supreme Court on Monday seemed headed toward telling police they must explicitly advise criminal suspects that their lawyer can be present during any interrogation.
The arguments in front of the justices were the latest over how explicit the Miranda warning rights have to be, as justices debated whether the warnings police gave Kevin Dwayne Powell made clear to him that he could have a lawyer present while being interrogated by police.
Powell was convicted of illegally possessing a firearm after telling police he bought the weapon "off the street" for $150 for his protection. Before his confession, Powell signed a Miranda statement that included the statements "You have the right to talk to a lawyer before answering any of our questions. If you cannot afford to hire a lawyer, one will be appointed for you without cost and before any questioning. You have the right to use any of these rights at any time you want during this interview."
The Florida Supreme Court overturned the conviction on grounds the Tampa police didn't adequately convey to Powell that he was allowed to have a lawyer with him during questioning.
Joseph W. Jacquot, Florida deputy attorney general, argued that the warning given Powell "expresses all the rights required under Miranda."
Justice Stephen Breyer clearly disagreed.
"Aren't you supposed to tell this person, that unlike a grand jury, you have a right to have the lawyer with you during interrogation?" Breyer said. "I mean, it isn't as if that was said in passing in Miranda. They wrote eight paragraphs about it. And I just wonder, where does it say in this warning, you have the right to have the lawyer with you during the interrogation?"
Different courts have came down on different sides on what exactly should be said, Justice Sonia Sotomayor said.
"We've got a split of circuit courts and state courts on whether this reasonably conveys or not. Shouldn't that be enough of an ambiguity for us to conclude it can't reasonably convey, if there's this many courts holding that it doesn't?" Justice Sonia Sotomayor said.
Powell's lawyer, Deborah K. Brueckheimer, said that the warning Powell was given from Tampa, Fla., police gave him the impression that "once questioning starts, that he has no right to consult with a lawyer anymore, and it certainly doesn't tell him that he has the right to the presence of an attorney with him in an interrogation room, where the coercion takes on a highly new meaning."
Justice Scalia called Brueckheimer's argument "angels dancing on the head of a pin."
"You are saying, 'Oh, if he had only known. Oh, if I knew that I could have an attorney present during the interview, well, that would have been a different kettle of fish and I would never have confessed,'" Scalia said. "I mean, doesn't that seem to you quite fantastic?"
Miranda rights have been litigated since they first came into being in 1966. The courts require police to tell suspects they have the right to remain silent and the right to have a lawyer represent them, even if they can't afford one. But those requirements likely will continue to be parsed by lawyers and judges.
For example, Justice Samuel Alito pointed out that most police start off Miranda rights by saying "You have the right to remain silent." But, Alito said, what happens if someone begins talking to the police and then decides that they want to be silent?
"Once you break your silence, there is nothing in there that says you have the right to resume your silence," Alito said.
"We could write that down. It could be the next case," Justice Anthony Kennedy said to laughter.
This is the third Miranda case the court has heard this year. The justices heard arguments earlier over whether officers can interrogate a suspect who said he understood his rights but didn't invoke them, and whether a request for a lawyer during interrogation can expire after a lengthy period of time.
Decisions in all three cases are expected next year.
The case argued Monday is Florida v. Powell, 08-1175.
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Now, this article displays our stupidity. Asshole criminals and their asshole lawyers look for little loopholes like these. Little nitpicks and technicalities let our criminals walk all too often because a judge agrees, "Well, you know, technically you're right...it really DOESN'T state that little common sense thought which I know you truly understood. You're dismissed because I don't have proof you understood it correctly." We cater to stupidity! If our criminals are too stupid to understand something, they still broke the law nonetheless and that is their shortcoming, not the law's.
The worst line in this article which proves what I just said?
This:
"Once you break your silence, there is nothing in there that says you have the right to resume your silence," Alito said.
Well....no fucking shit asshole.
Do we really NEED to say "Hey you can start or stop talking at any time, it's up to you entirely. Just know that if you do say something, it just might make you look guilty and I might bring that up to the judge if you confess to doing some criminal shit so bear that in mind as I encourage you to slip through the fingers of our legal system"
Looking for little nitpicks and shit only displays how freedom on steroids is a bad idea. Lawsuit happy people should all be put into a room with these same criminals who have slipped through our fingers and I'll simply blow them all up with dynamite.
THERE.
Problem solved.
Friday, December 4, 2009
I'm sick :(
Yes, this winter cold has gotten the better of me it seems, as much as I hate to admit it.
I'm in my bed at the moment and I'm definitely not feeling well.
Last night I left my little plugin heater going by my bedside and while it made the air toasty warm, it also caused the air to be extremely dry which resulted in irritation to my poor little throat as I slept under the warm blankets. This is a problem because I simply must have a heater on or I shall freeze, but at the same time, the heater caused my throat to get irritated. This morning when I woke up, my throat was swollen feeling and my sinuses were a wreck. Standing by a freezing cold door at work with the wind whipping at me with every customer's entry definitely didn't help either. By nightfall, my left ear felt like a whale was sitting on my ear drum and my lymph gland under my left jaw felt as if it'd been beaten by a baseball bat. I'm currently a little stopped up, but mostly it's my poor, throbbing throat that is the source of most of my misery.
I bought a warm humidifier at work today and it's sitting by my bedside so hopefully that will help my dry throat tonight. My nasal passages burn like fire when I inhale and they are mostly swollen shut. I was blowing fresh blood out from my nose as I showered this evening in an attempt to unclog all the shit stuck inside.
Needless to say, I'm miserable but I am sure it will pass. It is a cold like any other really. I just hate, hate HATE winter! I'm fine and fucking dandy during the spring, summer and fall. Winter comes and I'm a frail, pathetic wimp all of a sudden. I even have been taking over 8,000% vitamin C daily for over the last month and it seems to have not done a thing to aid my immune system :(
I had some Jack Daniels Whiskey stored away for when I get sick and I did three shots tonight. I've never been drunk and I've always been curious how much alcohol it would actually take to get me to that state, but I've never found out.
I asked my (former alcoholic) mother how many shots of whiskey it would most likely take to intoxicate someone who doesn't ever drink (like me).
She said she wasn't sure about how many shots because she always drank it by the bottle.
Despite how physically miserable I am, that answer did make me laugh.
She's right, she did finish it by the bottle.
I don't see how people drink such nasty stuff though, really. That shit tastes like, well, shit. It's horrible! I threw back those shots and just grit my teeth because it tasted so vile. Really now! HOW do people drink that stuff? If I was not sick, I'd surely not drink that crap voluntarily.
Still, my mom says I may have inherited my father's high tolerance for alcohol because I'm not tipsy at all from what I can tell. I've been dizzy all day thanks to my slight ear ache, so I certainly can't say that any dizziness I might feel would be as a result of the alcohol - I feel just as sober as I was before.
Well, I'll shut up now and try to get some rest. It's annoying having to try and sleep with this stopped up nose and I can only pray that it doesn't develop further into a chest cold.
I'm in my bed at the moment and I'm definitely not feeling well.
Last night I left my little plugin heater going by my bedside and while it made the air toasty warm, it also caused the air to be extremely dry which resulted in irritation to my poor little throat as I slept under the warm blankets. This is a problem because I simply must have a heater on or I shall freeze, but at the same time, the heater caused my throat to get irritated. This morning when I woke up, my throat was swollen feeling and my sinuses were a wreck. Standing by a freezing cold door at work with the wind whipping at me with every customer's entry definitely didn't help either. By nightfall, my left ear felt like a whale was sitting on my ear drum and my lymph gland under my left jaw felt as if it'd been beaten by a baseball bat. I'm currently a little stopped up, but mostly it's my poor, throbbing throat that is the source of most of my misery.
I bought a warm humidifier at work today and it's sitting by my bedside so hopefully that will help my dry throat tonight. My nasal passages burn like fire when I inhale and they are mostly swollen shut. I was blowing fresh blood out from my nose as I showered this evening in an attempt to unclog all the shit stuck inside.
Needless to say, I'm miserable but I am sure it will pass. It is a cold like any other really. I just hate, hate HATE winter! I'm fine and fucking dandy during the spring, summer and fall. Winter comes and I'm a frail, pathetic wimp all of a sudden. I even have been taking over 8,000% vitamin C daily for over the last month and it seems to have not done a thing to aid my immune system :(
I had some Jack Daniels Whiskey stored away for when I get sick and I did three shots tonight. I've never been drunk and I've always been curious how much alcohol it would actually take to get me to that state, but I've never found out.
I asked my (former alcoholic) mother how many shots of whiskey it would most likely take to intoxicate someone who doesn't ever drink (like me).
She said she wasn't sure about how many shots because she always drank it by the bottle.
Despite how physically miserable I am, that answer did make me laugh.
She's right, she did finish it by the bottle.
I don't see how people drink such nasty stuff though, really. That shit tastes like, well, shit. It's horrible! I threw back those shots and just grit my teeth because it tasted so vile. Really now! HOW do people drink that stuff? If I was not sick, I'd surely not drink that crap voluntarily.
Still, my mom says I may have inherited my father's high tolerance for alcohol because I'm not tipsy at all from what I can tell. I've been dizzy all day thanks to my slight ear ache, so I certainly can't say that any dizziness I might feel would be as a result of the alcohol - I feel just as sober as I was before.
Well, I'll shut up now and try to get some rest. It's annoying having to try and sleep with this stopped up nose and I can only pray that it doesn't develop further into a chest cold.
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