I didn't think about how I was letting others' views of "normalcy" taint my own opinions on what a so-called healthy relationship should actually consist of.
This is what it consists of for us...
Yes, US:
Blargh, yes I know I look like I am either hesitant to kiss him or that I simply do not know how to kiss. Well, neither are correct, damn it.
*folds arms and runs off to a corner to sit stubbornly staring ahead*
I was simply trying to click the "take picture" button with my laptop's built in webcam while Ray was busy trying to smooch on my face heh (not to mention he is trying not to laugh in this picture) ^-^'
Too often we are so busy trying to fit into the cookie cutter standards that are unknowingly set by our peers and cultures for our relationship patterns and behaviors that we simply do not examine what we truly are seeking in our quest for contentment with a life partner. In other words, we lose our originality.
There is not originality now in our relationships here in America. We now are simply all falling into those set standards that eagerly feed stereotypes and cliches.
I feel an amazing sense of freedom now in my relationship just knowing that I don't have to be like them.
I've never paid any mind to others' opinions in regards to how I should live my life in other areas, so why should I start with the subject of romantic relationships? Surely I can do better than that.
I didn't realize how much I was letting it get to me: the whole concept of, "You have to have sex to be happy."
or
"If you don't have lots of sex then your relationship is 'unhealthy' ."
Really, now. Is that so?
We are proof that it isn't.
OK, so I'm NOT going to divulge secrets of my sex life now at this point, but lets just say that we have reached a point where we are very, very content. We are not driven by the constant desires that most people are. In our society, we as individuals think we "have to have sex!" simply because it's so damned emphasized within our media, culture and peers. Aren't we higher than the animals that we eat? I thought we were...
Throughout all my searching for answers about whether or not we are meant to be together, Raymond always maintained his heartfelt, simple and honest truth and kept reiterating to me that same truth: it's ok if you don't want sex constantly, we love each other and that won't change.
I thought my lack of attraction to him was a real problem.
However, I also further examined my attraction to people in general and I found that I'd not really changed all that much throughout my life. My status is simply this: I may find some people attractive or beautiful, but I'm not really that physically into anyone - man or woman.
Don't get me wrong, I have encountered rare people who just are so freaking gorgeous that it can just make your heart ache to even look at them. Despite that, I don't go nuts over them like, "Omg I just creamed my panties, ur so hawt!" (sorry for the disturbing description)
I guess I am truly more attracted to women at the end of the day, but I'd have to be in love to actually want them physically.
I also discovered that my attraction really rides on my feelings. If I love someone, they are attractive to me. Now Ray isn't your typical guy at all. His Asian features are hard to place but somehow he comes out looking adorable to me. His hair always stands straight up and I always play with it and tell him I love his "fuzz". Poor guy, he's been losing his hair for a few years now but I tell him I love him just the same and that I have enough hair for the both of us. I'm also glad he's mostly hairless except for his face - he can grow a beard very quickly. He's got a huge chest and it's very warm to cuddle up to. His hands are large but he's the most gentle giant you could possibly meet.
He likes to sew; I like to create more.
He likes the color pink (yes, I kid you not - he has a pink MP3 player, motorcycle helmet, etc); I like whatever color my hand happens to land on when picking out my shirt for the day.
He is versatile in his views of good company and can get along with anyone and win them over with what we have now begun to call "the Raymond charm"; I am stubborn in my ways of tolerance (and lack thereof) and he thinks it's cute how I can be easily irritated by my peers.
I hate make up; he loves make up and thinks it's fun to play with.
Raymond can run in heels (Yes, again, I shit you not) but I would simply break my ankle. I've never worn heels and never WILL, damn it.
Raymond can just turn on the radio and listen to whatever song is playing and say, "Yeah this jams woooo" but I constantly flip through it and usually end up either putting in something from my collection of CDs or turning it to talk radio.
Raymond likes YAOI; I love YURI. We fully support each others habits and buy stuff to feed those addictions. He says he loves the relationship drama created in those YAOI stories.
Ray can play with a piece of string and think it's awesome but I am just picky, picky. I usually end up reading news or some random information somewhere.
Raymond eats whatever is in front of him and says, "hmm this is great! What is it?" I carefully select stuff from my limited list of foods, but I am not opposed to trying new things as long as it doesn't smell bad. That hasn't ever stopped Ray though.
Anyhow, we balance each other. I'm far too serious but I am trying to be more laid back. Raymond has helped me in this sense and he wasn't even meaning to - he was just being himself. He is far too laid back sometimes though and so I help him in this area. Some things he should take seriously and doesn't and I've kind of gotten him on a better track. I won't go into details on those and start naming Ray's flaws but I'm not hesitant to go into detail about my own.
So here we are, a non traditional couple just enjoying life and not caring about what others think of our relationship. We're pretty much happy as clams not worrying about fitting into the "normal standards". If we are content as we are, why change?
Don't let others decide for you what is healthy or normal.
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